Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Archive for March, 2011

Thursday and Youtube: Well Damn…

So, I was going write out this whole long ass blog post about Facebook etiquette and dudes being thirsty on women’s walls and pictures, and even tagging them in gay ass bathroom model pics, but that shit can wait. I discovered what could possibly be the funniest song of all time, “Colonic” by Tony Roberts, and then this Nah Son! fuckery @starchildluke and @softjunebreeze sent me.

Shits are hilarious though.

Also, since I have tomorrow off, you may or may not get a blog post from me. I wouldn’t bet on it though. I’m lazy.

Any of my readers out there know of any other silly ass fuckery that I might enjoy?


Sit Your Hypersensitive Ass Down In The Corner

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So, I had an argument on Twitter. Big surprise. Here’s the twist. I was called a sexist/misogynist/dude that hates black women at the end of it. Why? Because I said this:

I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…

That’s what I said.

Now to my readers familiar with logic, what we have there is a conditional statement. The two conditions are:

A. They are rocking a weave or lace front.

B. I have met them in person. (i.e. been out with them in a social setting, conversed with them about various subjects, etc.)

If those 2 conditions are true, then I consider them not smart.

Not smart you say?

Yes, that’s what I said.

Now, maybe your definition of smart is the nigga that can add up how much of a tip to leave in their head just by looking at the bill, but my criteria is quite a bit higher, considering I’m a certified genius and all. I consider very few people that most think are smart as such. Smart is a subjective word, and is subject to the speaker and their frame of reference.

Then the lovely @MzTamz responded with this:

i think that is in poor taste and we are probably in a different social class. doesnt mean shes stupid.

Also, when the fuck did “not smart” turn into “dumb”? There is a HUGE grey area between the two.

apparently there is a hookah lounge there too.

Now on to the hypersensitive ass women that jumped on my back. Now women, and especially black women, I understand that it feels like sometimes the world hates you. Dudes don’t want to respond on dating sites to you, you get paid less for doing the same job as men, portrayed as the “Angry Black Woman” in media, all sorts of negative ish too numerous to mention in this article, and hell, deserves an article in itself. I understand this, I know this, but how is saying this:

“I don’t date women with weaves and lace fronts because all of the ones I have met have intelligence levels ranging from above average to dumb as hell, and I want a woman I consider smart.”

different from

“I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…”

Absolutely nothing.

At all.

But I was told these statements, again from the beautiful @MzTamz:

I still disagree. I think ur language is off.

&

same with referring to women as hoes and what not. but we are not on the same page at all because it is demeaning. whether you mean it to be or not. thats how it is dangerous.

Same logical statement with the same conditions. The “problem” was with how I said it. Oh, so I’m supposed to protect the feelings of a whole bunch of people I have never met eh?

And when did I EVEN refer to all women as hoes? Oh wait, I didn’t.

SHUT MY SITE DOWN! AS I APPARENTLY CANNOT HAVE AN OPINION THAT OFFENDS OTHERS! IT’S A WRAP PEOPLE!

Get all the way the fuck out of here with that noise.

Then I made a tweet that said this:

Plus I call lace fronts “hoe helmets”. Call me elitist, whatever, but hoes and ratchets love em. Not my fault.

Hold on, but here’s the kicker. I was told this little gem by @MzTamz

NO i am saying that you referred to lace fronts as hoe helmets and that hoes and ratchets wear them. then you said ppl who wear them are not smart. This is not that difficult. YOU are the one being offensive.

Now check it. She never actually said what I was saying isn’t true, just that I was “offensive” for pointing out such things. Oh okay, so there was no real argument there except they wanted me to conform my language so that it was pleasing to them.

No what I would like? For the bank to conform their accounting practice to make more errors in my favor in my account. Guess what? Ain’t happening.

Then there was this exchange by myself and the ravishing @MzTamz

Stereotyping is never ok. but ok RT @theblackmurse: MzTamz –its not my fault for including you in a group that’s known for certain things.

REALLY?

REALLY?

REALLY SON?

Apparently son. I guess it’s cool though if she turns down any guy for any reason ever due to a choice he consciously made. I wasn’t choosing these women because they were black, or downing them because they were woman, but because of, now pay attention to this part, OF A CONSCIOUS CHOICE THEY MADE. It is perfectly okay to discriminate on those grounds. We all, both man and woman, adult and child, black and white, do this EVERY DAMN DAY. That’s why we don’t loan money to crackheads, why we don’t want to sit next to the really fat person if we don’t have to, why we give the white dude with the sheet, hood, and confederate flag belt buckle the O_o. It’s because of life experience has taught us this.

Life experience.

Which is personal and anecdotal.

Which she tried to tell me was wrong.

Do you honestly know what it would take to prove her case? She would have to know EVERY woman I have come into contact with since I have been dating, and considering she hasn’t met me in my life, I’m pretty sure that establishes her argument as bullshit.

Then when that failed, she (@MzTamz) jumped straight to the “YOU ARE A HATEFUL SEXIST” with these two remarks:

The point is that your language is harmful. I said it was dangerous cause I assumed you werent hateful. But you are

&

you are missing the point. you dont have to say “all women”

Her argument basically boiled down to “You say offensive things and don’t care, but you implied by talking about one subset of people who make a conscious choice aren’t smart, you are REALLY saying all human beings with a vagina are dumb.”

WTF.

If I thought that, I would have said it.

Plus, and here is a very important thing, if you are going to call someone a sexist, you want to at least make sure of this one thing:

THAT THEY DIDN’T WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT HOW SEXISM IS FUCKED UP LESS THAN 2 HOURS AGO.

Just saying.

So please, don’t be the reactionary that plays the race card or the gender card without doing your due diligence on the person you are accused of talking about. It’s a bad look. It’s like the dude in the barber shop that proclaims “If the NBA gives the MVP to Kobe instead of Derrick Rose they are racist!” You aren’t really thinking your position through and only trying to discredit the other person through loaded and virulent language, not by actually arguing what they have to say.

Also what’s with all the faux concern about who I put my penis in? You can’t call me thirsty in one sentence while being concerned about the goings-on of my penis.

Finally, don’t do all that subtweeting with the lies and all that. “@ me or dap me” that’s what all the cool kids are saying now right? Do that. I also sincerely hope all of those women who think stereotyping is never ok give that guy with the face and neck tattoos and a rap sheet for domestic violence their number, because hey, you can’t make judgement calls off of life experience. ;)

But when it’s all said and done, I got love for all women, even the hotheaded and irrational ones. I feel your pain, but calm all that hypersensitive ish down. So if you still got beef or whatever, let it go, because guess what?

 

It’s just Twitter, folks.


Hood Sexism: Really Son?

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Last week on Twitter this guy @MoeScoe was showing off this new t-shirt he designed to a lady, @secretaddy. The t-shirt was this:

There are all types of shit wrong with this, which the creator clearly didn’t see. His responses were even more comical Let me just show you some of the responses to the complaints about his shirt:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

@secretaddy ok u taking this too far, just shut up. damn! have u consider that fact that some pple like to be handled that way??? lol

and

@secretaddy thus wats wrong with pple these days, just jump into conclusion, u went too far with this shit, disappointed in you.fuck!

You know, once upon a time, I used to wonder what exact women meant by misogyny, but this right here hits me as plain as day. What he failed to realize is that the shirt can be interpreted to advocate rape. Then it has the word “bully” in it. The definition of bully in the Merriam-Websters is:

–noun

1. 

a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. 

Archaic . a man hired to do violence.
–verb (used with object)
6. 

to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.
So a “bedroom bully” is someone who intimidates and provokes fear inside the bedroom, and the image is of a man dragging a woman into a bedroom. That looks a lot like rape to me. Plus if that’s the FIRST interpretation that even a small percentage of your market comes away with, you may want to rethink your shirt. Unless of course, you plan on selling to to other ignorant ass niggas who also don’t know any better.
I think what really bothered me was this statement though:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

He told her not to worry, because it wasn’t her being dragged.

Oh ok.

So women should be cool with other women being dragged into the bedroom and bullied into sex (remember: bullying implies its unwanted, because if its wanted, it ain’t bullying folks) as long as it ain’t them. Let’s take this logic further. You should be okay with gang violence and children getting shot in the street, as long as it ain’t your kids. Be cool with houses being burglarized, as long as it isn’t your house.

WTF.

Sexism like this has to stop. It’s ignorant, it’s abrasive, and it’s just plain dumb. When 1 in 6 women have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape, this kind of blatant “metaphor” shirt just speaks volumes of how little we take things seriously in the black community. It’s downright deplorable.

Let me know what you think in the comments.


Music Monday: March 28th, 2011

Jesse Boykins III | Prototype 3010, a short film from LightUp Film on Vimeo.

Look, I got a paper I have to write, so I’m just gonna drop this off here and tell you to enjoy. It’s a cover  of Andre 3K’s “Prototype” by Jesse Boykins III. It’s long, but soulful as hell, and the ending has a few surprises.

Also, I need my hair to get on that Jesse Boykins III status, for real.

Full featured post coming tomorrow.

EDIT: I found the mp3 out there for all of you, because I’m such a nice guy download by right-clicking and choose “Save As”.

Jesse Boykins III “Prototype 3010″


The War in Libya: GIF Edition

So Egypt had all these protests and the people told Mubarak

And then the people of Libya got the idea of freedom so they were like

But Ghaddafi didn’t think they were gonna do it because he was living like

But then they started actually attacking his places and he was like

Then when his army started defecting and taking weapons Ghaddafi was like

In the meantime America and Europe was all

Then the rebels started feeling themselves and Garfinelfunk was all like

And then started bombing the shit out of them and all the white folks were like

But gas started going up so Americans were all like

Since the rebels asked for our help and earlier we were all

We told them we were FINALLY coming to their aid so Gabootypopper was like

and then he was talking all types of ish about he this was gonna end up like

But then he agree to a ceasefire and we just was like

and bombed him anyways and enacted a no-fly zone and told him

TRUE STORY.


Arbitrary Phrases

Otherwise known as “More Cookie Cutter Rap by CRYM”. This verse is a satire of the various phrases used in rap that don’t actually mean anything and just serve as stock for simple similes. Enjoy, or don’t, it’s not like it took me any effort.

Arbitrary phrases rappers use to portray this

Lifestyle and make you get hype off the playlist

I’m on my grind like the bottom of a skateboard

Or some player in the club dancing with a fake whore

I get it in like Kobiyashi or a porn star

And you know I’m on point like thorns are

Sharper than a pencil about to take the ACT

So that means I’m the number two and all this paper waits for me

Shining like a thousand suns and it feels splendid

Chatting up Barbie not about to ask where Ken is

Skills tremendous, hip-hop looks horrendous

I’m taking crowns off like the dentist

I ate nine of your top ten like the number seven

The last real man alive but I am not legend

I’m the truth, keep it one hundred like a fucking century

This is number 21 so down a shot of Hennessey

I go harder than diamonds and at least twice as valuable

Trying to get jacked son like L, Samuel

World renouned like another person place or thing

I hear the bees buzzing but I can’t feel the sting

Following you backwards, didnt know that I could sing

You are just a court jester, come and entertain the king

So sick they quarantine me like a leper colony

So I made them the subject of this tragic comedy

It’s ironic, those who rap about the mafia are wack

I declare war on stars and strike the empire back

Not a freshman in this game, I reek of subsophomority

Iller than a whole hospital wing, call and orderly

You claim to be the shit, Ill stuff your body in a bedpan

And my IQ is higher than Method Man and Redman

Your flow is sweet and dry like a stale pack of raisins

Where would rap be without arbitrary phrases


Are You Prepared For Zombies? Zombie Rules For Life

Be prepared bitches

Are you ready? This shit could happen. Why? Because I just had a dream about it. Not the kind of Rambo-esque type dream where I was mowing down zombies left and right though. I actually only shot 2 zombies. Technically I shot someone while they were still human, but they were really close to turning and like 2 minutes later they jumped up as a zombie and I shot them again. Then I also threatened this guy to paint the walls with his brains if he ever threatened me again, because he was all mad I shot that chick early and the resulting noise attracted more zombies. Okay so I shot more than 2, like 8.

Still though, most of the dream was about dealing with the breakdown of society and how people reformed into tribal groups and their survival mentality led to some strange happenings. Like the strip club/chicken place called Breasts & Wings (greatest idea BTW, and if you steal it I will kill you), where this dude saved the strippers and opened raises chickens in the back of the place. Then the gun store was run by some Indian dude who didn’t like violence. Then there were the gang of Haitians who thought I was Puerto Rican…and then subsequently tried to kill me. It was all weird, but it let me know quite a few things:

1. Talking about zombies enough will lead to having a dream about one, count on it.


2. Find some guns as soon as things start off with the zombie apocalypse. Makes things easier later on down the road.

Have lots of ammo and spare magazines for said guns and actually know how to use them. You don’t want to try to figure out how a gun works when a zombie is 5 feet away from biting your face off. Also reminded: aim for the head. That should probably be its separate point but always aim for the head, regardless of whether you are using a gun, a sledgehammer, meat cleaver, dildo, doesn’t matter. Well actually I would be a tad bit concerned if you were trying to fight off zombies with a dildo, but hey, different strokes for different folks.

His aim is off.

 

3. Don’t be the last one to hit up a grocery store.

I would actually advise looting a grocery store first. After all, you can’t eat bullets for dinner. All the non-perishables WILL be gone in the first 48 hours, count on it. So I would advise you to a) if shit hasn’t gotten real yet but you know its about to, calmly buy up all the canned food and dog food you can or b)if shit just got real as fuck, back up a damn SUV right through the front door and raid that hell out of the store.

Their bags are too small.

4. Water. Make sure you have it, or live close enough to a large body of fresh water. Dehydration is not the way you want to go out.

I don’t think I could possibly stress this enough. Remember the rule of 4. You can only go 4 minutes without air, 4 days without water, and 4 weeks without food before you die. Have water, When you hit the grocery store a metric fuckton of bottled water should be on that list, along with filling every container that can be reasonably sealed in your house with water. I don’t possibly think I could stress exactly how essential water is to…everything. Have it.

Don't let this be you.

5. Ladies: If you are good-looking, you are going to want to attach yourself to a man who has plenty of survival skills and can assure you live for a long time, that’s all you need to do, because believe me, that negro with the new jordans won’t make it a week. Ugly chicks, I suggest you learn some survival skills or be amazing at pleasing a man or something, because you might be ass out.

I help her, and she damn sure better help me.

Call me an asshole, call me a cynic, but during an apocalypse, you are out for your own self-interest, which means you are basically using people. It’s only a problem when you are trying to use someone when you provide no tangible benefit to the other person. Hot chick, she allows a man to have sex and possibly procreate with a hot chick. It’s as basic as genetics. Fat chick, ugly chicks; you better have some survival skills or something, because for a man trying to survive, you really don’t serve a purpose to him. You better know how to rebuild transmissions or make solar panels out of aluminum foil, duct tape, floss, and an old 50 Cent cd, because that’s the only way they are going to want to keep you around. Conversely, hot chicks, you might want to keep that prude shit pre-apocalypse, because your dream guy is now stumbling around as a walking corpse with half his face eaten off. I keep you alive, you need to be more than willing to drop it like it’s hot.

6. Fat people, lose weight. Being able to run isn’t an option. Zombies don’t get tired.

They really don't.

A good 30-something percent of Americans are fat and out of shape. That’s real. Of course you are thinking “Well, that means 1/3rd of the zombies will be too fat to catch me anyways!” Yeah, that would be true, except for a couple things. One, chances are their fat WILL burn off from the fact that they never sleep and are always moving around. Secondly, because they don’t get tired. Your fat ass will get winded after a block, but that fat zombie can keep running until their body literally falls apart mid-stride. So yeah, get in shape, learn how to climb shit, get your upper-body strength up, and watch a couple parkour videos. It could save your life.

7. Know how to siphon gas. Good skill especially if you have to use transportation to get away from an area that is now uninhabitable.

Professional grade thievery.

Seriously, you will need to know this in order to take what little bit of refined gas will be left. Know how to pull gas out of abandoned cars, underground gas station pumps, all sources. Know how to run a pump too, as that could make the process a lot easier, especially when dealing with gas stations. The last thing you want to do is be trapped in an area that was once pretty peaceful but now contains a clusterfuck of zombies.

8. Never join a group of people based on race or ethnic background alone.

You would think this would be common sense, but a lot of you people out there in the world as dumb as shit. You join groups based on skillset and benefit or if they are CLOSE friends. Why would you want to be in a group where likely the only thing keeping you from turning on each other is, “oh all are the same skin color,” or “but we all speak the same dialect of <insert language>”. Guess what, that won’t keep a person from getting on some unplanned bullshit. Now if the reasons are “man that guy can hunt his ass off,” or “He taught me how to use <insert weapon> effectively,” its a much better chance of cohesion and way more likely to defuse potentially volatile conflicts.

9. Keep your friends close, and your enemies far far FAR away from you, or kill them outright.

Yep. Think about it. your emotions during a time of unimaginable stress and conflict all become magnified, so people who just mildly disliked you now hate you, and those who couldn’t stand you are likely to want to walk around with you head on a mop handle and prop that shit up in the front lawn. Avoid them whenever possible, because the most likely conflict will come is when they see you do ANYTHING that isn’t dying. If you are doing ANYTHING that is in some way positive, they will develop a jealousy that you have never seen. Now, if avoiding them isn’t an option and you KNOW that this person will be a problem for you, whether they are living or undead, and ONLY if society has already completely broken down, take their ass out. No one is going to arrest you, and better to get the jump on them then they get it on you. Sounds fucked up, I know, but I rather not be the one on the business end of a gun over the fact that they hate me because I yell at their ass for fucking up my order all the time at McDonalds.

10. Fishing. Cooking. Hunting. Know them well.

Hot chicks, meet your future husband.

If you don’t know how to fish or hunt then chances are you will be jolly well fucked. If you are a hot chick, well you will still be fucked, but not exactly in the way anyone not in your category would be. These are the skills that will keep you alive long after the zombies are gone. Society will take a LONG fucking time to rebuild itself. A good 10 years at LEAST. Plus add in all the bureaucratic nonsense with people wanting to exert power and establishing laws again and  religion and all sorts of other immature hangups people have that will impede the progress of humanity. Word to the wise: If you have a nice group or community you have that works. Stick with it. Don’t be in a rush to return to society at large, because it will, basing off the past of human society, it will be a clusterfuck. Bet on it.

Well, these are rules to survival. I’m sure I have a few more, but I wanted to give them to all of you while they were fresh in my mind. Remember these things, because they may save your life. Oh, and don’t come looking for me, I may or may not have gone insane and may or may not shoot you on sight.

I may.

Unless you are a hottie.


Terrible Tuesday: Ginuwine Edition

Ever seen people dance badly to Ginuwine’s sing “Pony”? Ever seen a supermix of it? Well, if not, ummm…here you go.

Enjoy.

Also random pictures that make me laugh.

GO!


Music Monday: Jose James Tribute Selections

Well since I missed last Music Monday, I decided to go with a super-long mix this week, and this week brings us Jose James, a jazz artist introduced to me , as usual, by @softjunebreeze (seriously though, she puts me on to almost everything I listen to nowadays). This mix is a zone-out classic. The songs on here range from love songs, to upbeat clean-the-kitchen joints, to joint joints. He does a lot of songs with other artists as well, with singing on pretty much all of them. Prepare to open up a jazz club in your ears people.

Tracklist and download link below.

 

01. Little Bird feat. José James – Jazzanova – Of All The Things
02. Autumn in New York – José James & Jef Neve – For all we know
03. Winterwind – José James – The Dreamer
04. I Don’t Know Why (I Just Do) feat. José James – Chico Hamilton – Twelve Tones of Love
05. My Favorite Thing– José James & Jef Neve – Facing East : The Music of John Coltrane (recorded live)
06. Equinox – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
07. Love Conversation feat. Jordana de Lovely – José James – Blackmagic
08. Evidence of Existence – José James – Blackmagic
09. Night in Tunisia – Toshio Maatsura feat. José James – Blue Note Street
10. Promise In Love feat. José James – DJ Mitsu The Beats – A Word To The Wise
11. L.O.V.E.J.A.M. feat. José James – J.A.M. – Just Another Mind
12. Like Leaves in the Wind – Nicola Conte – Rituals
13. Ya Dig feat José James 1 – Timo Lassy – Timo Lassy
14. Jazzy Joint feat. José James – J.A.M. – Just A Maestro
15. All or Nothing at All feat. José James – Nicola Conte Jazz Combo – The Modern Soul of Nicola Conte
16. Moanin’ – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
17. The Dreamer – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
18. Awakening feat José James – Nicola Conte – Rituals
19. Lush Life – José James & Jef Neve – For all we know
20. Lazy Afternoon feat. José James – Chico Hamilton – Twelve Tones of Love
21. Lay You Down – José James – Blackmagic
22. Kings & Queens feat. José James – Yellowtail – Grand & Putnam
23. Electromagnetic feat. Ben Westbeech and TK Wonder – José James – Blackmagic (Japan)
24. José James Interview – Lexis – MIMS
25. Visions of Violet – José James – Park bench people EP
26. Gimme Somethin’ True feat. José James – Basement Jaxx – Scars

right-click to download here


How To Build a Generic Rap Verse That Dumb People Will Love

Pardon the enormous title, this isn’t a Panic! at the Disco song. Recently, my talents were commissioned to write a verse for a remix of the popular Wiz Khalifa song “Black and Yellow” called “Black and Blue”. My only instructions were “it’s supposed to be like motivation” and “no swearing”. Knowing my audience, I used a mental checklist to construct a flawless pop rap verse (link to the song included):

http://soundcloud.com/yungcmusik/black-blue-1

-Using the phrase “you already know”, implying a reputation that precedes an introduction

-Clever, easily understood reference to a popular movie

-Clever, easily understood, non-offensive religious reference

-Use of staple vocabulary that white people still can’t fully grasp such as “lames” and “ball” as a verb

-Sports reference that neither makes complete sense nor requires any actual knowledge of sports

-Reference to jewelry

-The term “(noun) status”

-Ending a clause with an adjective

-Any word ending in -matic

-Racing analogy

-Offer to “teach” opponents your successful way to replace their unsuccessful way

-Clever reincorporation of the title

-Explicit reference to violence

-Conclusive punchline

Now you try!

 


Don’t Ask Black Questions (Or Get Socked In The Face)

This post goes out to all the white people who live in damn near all-white areas and encounter a black person 2, 3 times a year tops. This one’s for you.

As I sat in Starbucks on my laptop smashing some oatmeal cookies Sunday night, a man comes in. White, middle aged, disheveled looking, but nothing out of the ordinary in Highland Park, where I live. I was at Starbucks because my internet was down for some crazy ass reason and I needed to finish some work and do some stuff for the blog. Well, backtrack. First it was only me and this white girl in there out of the whole coffee shop. There is a long couch that’s a good 14 feet long. She sat at one end, and I sat down at the other. In 30 seconds she got up and moved ALL the way over to the other side of the coffee shop. I guess a black man in medical scrubs is intimidating to her.

Anyways, so I have the whole couch to myself when this guy comes in. He proceeds to sit as close as he humanly could to me it seems, and keeps glancing at me. I’m zoning out typing so I’m not really paying him any mind. Then after about 2 minutes he breaks my concentration with a question:

“Hey, do you like reggae?”

I  gave this dude the side-eye from hell. In my mind I was thinking to myself, “where in the hell is this line of questioning going?” So I responded,

“Nope. I hate it.”

Then he comes back with

“Well what about rap and R&B?”

Now I’m pretty much glaring down this dude trying to decide whether I should chop his ass in the throat or dump his coffee on his head…and then chop his ass in the throat. But I just respond

“Nope. I listen to blues, music from the 20s, 30s, and 40′s.”

I said this in hopes he would stop asking me questions, or basically shut the hell up talking to me. But he had to finish it off with this:

“Oh I just thought you listened to reggae because you look like a soulful person.”

What the fuck does that even mean? How does someone hammering away angrily on a laptop look soulful? That’s about the dumbest shit I ever heard, this month.

Listen white people, if you don’t encounter black people often, here’s a tip. Talk to us the same exact way you would a white person. Don’t come at us saying “What’s up bro” or “dog” or any unnecessary slang to make yourself look cool. It’s hella offensive and we immediately label you are either retarded or racist, sometimes both. So if you are about to say something to a black person you don’t know, ask yourself these things:

Am I asking because they are black?

Is this in any way associated with any stereotypes?

If the answer is no to both, then go ahead. But don’t be that guy or that silly ass racist chick either.

I should have stolen her purse.

Joking.

...maybe.


Music Monday: Stalley – Intelligent Trunk Music

Shoutout to @softjunebreeze for putting me on to Stalley, from Brooklyn by way of Ohio. He’s like Curren$y, except for more cars and no weed. His production is outstanding, especially on SLAP and 330. Definitely a download for real, and you can’t beat $free.99 so, get it. We could def use more support for artists that aren’t crappy.

Download Link

Bandcamp Page


Smelly Kant

A few days ago, I learned about a philosopher named Kant. Kant is a shit. For someone whose career it is to think, he is profoundly dumb. Let me explain. His principles regarding morality can be summarized as follows:

1) If people think long enough and thoroughly enough about a decision, every person will inevitably come to the same conclusion, that being the “right” answer, both morally and logically.

No dice, you filthy Kant! Are you saying that people are inherently flawed by having “free will” (debatable, but not the point of this rant) and that every choice has one absolutely correct option and at least one absolutely wrong one? Well, that sounds like polarized malarky, if you ask me.

Red Foreman suspects dumbassery

2) Actions must be evaluated solely on the “goodness” of the action. Possible consequences and emotional implications are irrelevant and must have no impact on the decision. In other words, “Don’t _____ because _____ is wrong because it’s bad because it’s not good.”

Are you telling me, you fungus-infested Kant, that humans possess the ability to perceive consequences and emotions so that we can ignore it? If that were the case, only the mentally disabled, lacking higher cognitive functions, are capable of making “right” decisions since only they can act without considering the consequences or the emotions of others impacted by the act. Reason #1 why I believe Kant is likely secretly handicapped. The lecturer made a point to mention that Kant practiced what he preached, living a moral life free from the burdens of emotions or social interactions (check and check for Asperger’s), making his philosophy a veritable bathtub full of lube for Kant’s chronic intellectual masturbation (granted, it was the closest thing to actual masturbation that Kant would allow himself).

Future professor of Kantian psychology

The lecturer then proceeded to describe an application of diseased Kantian morality through the following example:

You’re out on a walk when a woman you’ve never met runs up to you and says “I’m being attacked and chased. I’m going to run left. If the man chasing me asks you which way I went, tell him I went right.” What do you do?

While many would lie to preserve life (and perhaps win the affections of a grateful lady), the drooling Kant contends that “since lying is wrong, there isn’t a context where it’s right, so you shouldn’t lie because its bad to lie”. Allow me to deconstruct this grand old Judeochristian morality-fueled nonsense.

First of all, in a raggedy Kantian ideal, this situation should not exist. The man shouldn’t be attacking the woman, the woman shouldn’t have made herself so easily attackable, she shouldn’t have involved another person, much less a stranger (you) and especially shouldn’t have asked that stranger to compromise his honesty to a rapist/murderer/assaultster. Unfortunately, since this scenario is realistic, and stupid Kant’s principles are inherently contradicted by the system, the elements of said system remain unscathed by the palpable idiocy in tight Kant’s doctrine.

This is how you KNOW you've fucked up

So which is more likely: That flappy Kant is right and our reality happens to be completely flawed, or that Kant is an idiot detached from the actual world?

"Can I hear me now?"

Soaking Kant’s most prominent fallacy is that, like theoretical physics, his ideas only apply in a vacuum. In other words, Kant would be the smartest man in a room containing only Kant.

-CRYM


Are Whites Racially Oppressed? Fuck No They Aren’t

I saw this hilariously dumb ass article on CNN. Now I know they are trying to not be biased, but come the fuck on now son. No one is shooting first at white folks because of stereotypes. They aren’t getting locked up at higher rates than their population numbers suggest, they aren’t treated badly due to stereotypes, they aren’t passed over for jobs because of skin color, none of that shit. NONE OF THAT SHIT HAPPENS TO WHITE PEOPLE.

When white people get crosses burned in their yard, let me fucking know.

Just the thought of this shit has me heated. I only can express my feelings right now with this GIF.

 

 

 

 

I just think this is just a different manifestation of  racism, since the whole burning crosses and wearing sheets thing is unpopular now. So now instead they go for this “but WE are the victims! Yes, us, with all of our social privileges and benefits are victims!”

What?

Yeah white people, you are oppressed here in the US. The black man for too long has had his boot on the neck of the white man.

 

 

Come the fuck on people.


GAH! A Good Ol’ Fashioned Rant

Today was more annoying than usual. My psych class is just too much for me to handle; I’ve finally thrown in the soaked proverbial towel and am going to try to change periods. In a typical day, the teacher will hand out some kind of busywork/note-taking guide riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. She likes to use the excuse “I’m not an English teacher,” but I believe that all educators should uphold a certain level of academic integrity which includes not using adjectives as adverbs or ignoring the helpful red dotted underline provided free by Spellcheck perhaps sheerly out of spite. Maybe an ex-boyfriend worked on the development team. Maybe you were beaten savagely with a dictionary as a youth. I’m not qualified to speculate.

Who wants to be a millionaire...'s human table!

After these note sheets (or as I sometimes call them, “a perfect waste of what may have served as toilet paper with the proper chemical and physical treatments”) have been distributed to the class consisting of mainly sheeple and “tools”, (honestly, though, “tool” implies that they have some use, which they clearly do not) I begin to ask reasonable, legitimate questions to futilely better my understanding of the material despite the teacher’s curriculum effectively sabotaging my ability to do so. My classmates do not find my insight or effort to learn valuable and respond with a grand show of groans, sighs, eye rolls, and desperate cries of “Why do you have to get so technical?” and “There he goes again.” I truly think I’ve classically conditioned them Pavlov-style. Whenever I raise my hand in class or start to speak, the aggressive assertion of stupidity begins. The main difference between Pavlov’s experiment and mine is that the dumbfucks in my class have been drooling long before the process begins and continue to afterward.

The man's mullet/mustache say more than his sign ever had to

Today was especially bad. The teacher tried her very best to make an analogy, which was cute. I mean cute in a “Aw, look, that three-year-old tried to make a model of the Sears Tower out of wet macaroni!” way. She was trying to illustrate the principle of framing, where the phrasing of two effectively identical statements can differentiate them in terms of their effect on the audience. In the textbook, the example given was “A cut of meat is more effectively sold with the label ‘90% lean’ than ‘10% fat’.” Personally, I thought this was fairly straightforward and didn’t require further demonstration, but I mustn’t editorialize so much. The ANALogy that my teacher concocted went this way, “Question one: Would you rather receive $10,000 guaranteed on the spot or have a 50% chance of receiving $20,000?” At this point I took the opportunity to ask, “What’s the other 50%?” Cue the groans and eye-rolls. Naturally, the teacher did not comprehend my query, requiring me to elaborate, “Well, you said there was a 50% chance we would get 20 grand, but what’s the other 50%? Get no money? Get a different amount of money? Lose money? The risk isn’t defined well, and the answer is essential to fully assess the situation.”

I was about to call this maneuver in

She ignored my valid question, leaving it to suffer the reply of the masses and moved on. “Question two: Would you rather lose $10,000 guaranteed or have a 50% chance of losing $20,000?” Rather than rehash the “50%” issue, I tried to slip through the rest of the period as painlessly as possible. But when the teacher had the gall to continue, “You see, those questions are basically saying the same thing, just worded different (yes, different.)” I lost my shit right then and there. “Not really, in one you stand to gain money and in the other you stand to lose it. Those are opposite situations.” Cue groans and eye-rolls from the peanut gallery once more. She returns with expert reiteration, “But actually, depending on how you look at it, they’re the same.” I took the gloves off. “Let me break this down for you. Let’s say you start with zero dollars. In the first scenario, your options are to gain 10 grand, gain 20, or gain zero. In the second, you could lose ten, lose twenty, or lose zero. Since addition and subtraction are not the same thing, that analogy doesn’t accurately represent the same concept as in the book and was incompletely formulated.”

For an instant, I was ninja helicopter Barack

Additionally, upon reflection with one of my friends, I should have continued by asking “Would you like to gain a punch in the face or lose a punch in the face?” Either answer would warrant the punch in the face she so richly deserved, and I’d be satisfied. Unfortunately, it didn’t end like that. Instead, my plea for reason was Spartan-kicked into oblivion by the dogshit-caked pedestrian foot of aggressive ignorance. Not to mention that once this ordeal was over, the girl sitting next to me continued to troll hard by passing me post-it notes with Langston Hughes quotes and repeatedly looking at me and laughing. In conclusion, (troll to all English teachers) I’m switching classes.

-CRYM


Get The Fuck Off The Internet

This is going to be a list of shit that people need to get kicked off the fucking internet for. Like no bullshit kicked off the internet, or at least any type of social media.

Taking pictures of your baby laying in your tax refund money


Oh so you balling now huh?  Then why were you only drinking water at the bar last month and your car still sitting on a flat at your cousin’s house since last summer? This shit is the height of ignorance, and don’t worry, I’m gonna save that picture, so next time you talk about how you are too broke to do something, I’ll make sure to pull up the picture and ask about your baller status and why your baby doesn’t have any new clothes since that picture.

Not knowing the difference between there, their, and they’re (and related spelling errors)


Now I understand that some of you didn’t have parents who loved you and cared enough to make sure you write and speak proper English, but you are grown now, probably with kids on your own. It would behoove you for the sake of your kids to not make these spelling errors. Get a 4th grade workbook, take the GED for fun (or because you really need to pass it), and bone up on your grammar. You are embarrassing to know right now.

Inbox or DM people religious scriptures to people you know don’t believe in your religion


Look, good for you that your particular brand of fairy tales gives you life in the morning, and that without it you wouldn’t know what to do, but when you KNOW that the person you are messaging has no interest in your particular brand of crazy, and you do it anyways, you are just being a prick. Unless being a pretentious douche is a tenet of your religion, then cut that shit out. All you are going to do is make them resort to logic to destroy your beliefs and for you to get all defensive and go pray/bow/Kristna dance about it later on. Don’t be an internet Jehovah’s Witness, because everyone hates them.

Put up pictures at Myspace angles because you are fat as shit

You know who the fuck you are. Never taking pictures below the bra line or cropping the shit out of pictures. You’re fat. Own that shit. If you don’t want to own that shit, then you better own a bike, a treadmill, or a gym membership. These dudes you are talking to that you are flirting with are going to want to meet you eventually, and no one likes being deceived. If you have any pics like this:

I’m gonna need to to get the fuck off the internet and get the fuck on a diet.

for real son.


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