Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

Author Archive

Drawing The Line and Knowing Thy Role

Situation Breakdown:

You talk to a woman, get to know a woman, find out she has a dude she’s fuckin guy she’s “talking” to boyfriend, or she’s single but not interested then ends up with a boyfriend down the line. Ok, cool. You know your position now. No problem. You exchange numbers, have cordial conversations every now and again. You see each other at public gatherings and converse. Everything is swell.

Then you get this text message:

So, can I borrow like 200 dollars to get my A/C fixed?

Pump your brakes

EXCUSE ME?

I’m not your man. Sorry.

Ladies, there are certain things you just cannot ask of your male friends while you have a guy. They are:

  • Money
  • Clothes
  • Job hookups for Him
  • Food
  • Emotional Comfort

There are rules to the game of life, and one you must remember is:

“Whoever is pleasing the pussy must also provide for it”

Just like the cable, you gotta pay for that OnDemand pussy.

Point blank period.

The dude you laying next to, those are his responsibilities. You out here sucking his dick every night, but he can’t keep the lights on in your house? No bueno. That means you need to change your priorities up in the kind of men you are dating. It is up to HIM to get that money, be it overtime at work, hitting that corner, selling some dick to lonely obese housewives, asking his peoples, whatever. Your responsibility goes as far as either getting it YOURSELF, from your man, or your female friends. Why do you ask is the game like this?

1. It’s His Responsibility

It really is though. His woman wants or needs, it’s up to him to provide, not for some other man to supplement what he is lacking. Because at the end of the day, if she is getting down on her knees to please you every night, the least you can do is to put in some effort during these times to keep things smoothly. If he can’t handle that responsibility and it has you running to everyone but him when problems arise, it might be time for you to get a new guy.

2. It’s Disrespectful

Men are prideful people, so to ask another man for something instead of letting your man figure it out is tantamount to saying “You aren’t man enough to handle this problem, so I’m going to go to a real one who can.” No real man is having that shit, and can cause potential friction between your guy friend and your current beau. Also, any guy that you are dating that DOESN’T care that another man is taking care of your needs, is NOT a real man. Not now, not ever. Also, its disrespectful to the friend as well. What man do you know thinks its okay to take his money and then lay up with another man with it? I don’t know any. It’s basically saying, “Hey, you are good as my personal ATM/shoulder to cry on/chef, but not good enough to be anything romantically related.” Yeah, fuck that noise.

3. It’s Not My Pussy To Worry About

It just isn’t. I have my own bills and my own concerns, to which most of them I get something in return out of. I pay my cell phone bill, so I get in return cell phone service. I pay the light bill, I get lights and electricity. But what do I get in return for this work/money I give her? An “Aww, thanks” and that’s it. Then what does her guy get? The pussy I’m currently paying for. Fuck that. I’m not about to pay for someone else to reap the benefits of my work. Nah son, not me. When you date someone, they provide it all, mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, all that. If he can’t do it, I’m damn sure not about to pay for your bad decision-making. If you are with a man and all he has is the physical aspect down pat, then shit, you need to work with that. If you want more, you need to drop him and go out and get someone who can get more. But know this, if I’m fronting 27% of the money coming into your household this week, I’m gonna want 27% of the blowjobs and sex that you are providing. I mean, it’s only fair right? If I’m gonna be up until 5 am having a woman crying on my shoulder, she damn sure better be a childhood friend or single, because I’m not about to lift your mood just so another guy can lift your skirt.

Know Your Role and uh...open them legs.

Know thy role ladies: if you have a man, let him take care of you. If he can’t or is unwilling to, you should take this as an opportunity to re-evaluate your relationship and what you are looking for in a man.

-GT


Rules For Men: Dealing With Rejection

Deal With It

I write this in the wake of an not-to-be-named person on Twitter who got publicly blasted. For what you say? For not dealing with rejection well. I know that most men have a huge ego, and no one wants to feel rejected. The problem is when you feel like you have to try to embarrass the woman who rejected you in hopes of maintaining your ego or respect. That, my fellow me, is a no-no. You look foolish as hell trying to down a woman you JUST thought highly enough to talk to, and here’s the dirty little secret: no one believes your antics. We all are laughing at you, not because you got rejected, but because you tried to play it off in such a ridiculous manner. Obviously some of you didn’t have fathers growing up, so allow me to enlighten you in how to deal with rejection with some do’s and don’ts.

Damn sure don't make this face when you approach her.

DON’T

  • Call her out her name once she tells you she isn’t interested.
  • Cat-call from down/across the street to get her attention. That’s disrespectful as hell.
  • Call her “Jeans”, “Hey you in the booty shorts”, “Lil Mama”, “Shorty”, Girl with the big titties”, none of that. Use “Miss”. That way it looks like you have some sort of home training.
  • Say “Well fuck you then,” or any variation of that. You look bitter.
  • (Online) Try to publicly out her or embarrass her. She can easily screenshot your thirst and upload it for the world to see.
  • Ask for some sort of sexual favor off the bat. That’s what Craigslist and prostitutes are for.
  • Try to assault her or accost her in hopes of bullying her number out of her. That’s fucked up. Also IT’S FUCKING ILLEGAL.

This man doesn't know what rejection is.

DO

  • Be respectful.
  • Thank her for her time.
  • Understand that you are selling yourself, almost like a product. If someone didn’t want to buy your knives from Amway, you wouldn’t cuss them out. Play the role.
  • Lead with a proper compliment. An example is, “I just wanted to say that you are looking quite beautiful today…” Not sexy or fuckable, it makes you look like you have a one-track mind.
  • Smile. It goes a long way.
  • Stare at her face. Not her chest or between her legs.

Yeah, your ego takes a blow. But people change their mind, and they do remember the one guy who didn’t act like a jackass when trying to approach them, especially when it’s rare for men of color to do so. If she doesn’t, oh well. You can walk away confident that you conducted yourself as a man, and not as an immature ass.

-GT


Kim Kardashian Hate: Justified or Not?

As most of the Twittersphere is aware of, Kim K. got ran through bustdown engaged yesterday to some random dude who plays on the New Jersey Nets proposed with a 20.5 carat 2 million dollar ring. Of course, this got people who spend too much time worried about people who they don’t even know all up in arms and at least 20 to 30 millions panties got collectively in a bunch. All types of shade and slander were thrown, wonder why a woman like her, whose coochie is pretty much given to any athlete as soon as they sign a contract like a the air freshener on a rear-view mirror when you buy a car, is deserving of a ring that damn big or even marriage. Like one tweet I saw, “2 million is a lot to pay for a cow when all of pro sports got the milk for free”. But where does all this hate stem from? And why the hell does it even matter?

Ray J paid her in hot wings and a bus pass.

This post will be written in 2 parts. The nice, compassionate, understanding side, and the well…ummm, dumb side.

Nice guy first.

COMPASSION INCOMING!

I get it. I see the shade. You worked your ass off in college with that 4.0, went out in the world, got a good job, gave that corporate world glass ceiling a smooth ass uppercut and you are making it. You work hard, and play harder. Yet you are single. Not only are you single, but you always seem to get caught up with the douchebags, the no ambition ass guys. Kim K. however is famous and gets money for doing shit but being on her back for famous men and gets the world on a silver platter. I get it.

Kim K. reminds you of those women you have encountered in your life that have rode by on their looks and contribute nothing to the world, the one that you get looked over for either at work or in your personal life, and then after the fellas have had their fill, want to come running to you for some substance. I get that. It sucks. You worked hard fine-tuning your mind into a razor-sharp trap with books, studying, frequent trips to the museums, yet seemingly good men fall at the feet of a woman who can’t even take the time to learn how to give a good blowjob.

Where’s your ring? You worked hard. You deserve it. That’s how you feel. Why should a woman whose most known for giving away the cooch to anyone have the world? Why should she rise to a higher level in life than you? How come if you were to do those same things, you would get nothing but negative attention? She’s superficial, she’s vain, and just not worthy. It’s all backwards, that’s what this world is. It’s misogynist, and fucked up. I get it. I feel you.

ASSHOLE SECTION AHEAD!

Harsh truth time. No one wants your bitter, uppity ass. Know why you are single? No man wants an angry woman. NONE. We get it, you worked hard. Guess what? So did I, and so did a lot of people out there who aren’t living that life. We aren’t bitter, and we aren’t worried about what the next person is doing. We are worried about being happy with what we got and focused on our OWN lives.

Guess what? You’re just as superficial as she is. If you think happiness comes in the form of a pro sports player and a 2 million dollar engagement ring, you are just as fucked mentally as she is. You’re degrees don’t mean shit with that kind of mentality, and that’s real.

This world doesn’t owe you shit. Get over it. You have bad relationships, probably because you chase men based upon what they have instead of who they are, and probably work off of appearances. Let me guess, he has to be 6’2″+, a certain skin color, a certain car, no kids, etc. You are looking for a dude that really doesn’t exist. You got this list and I bet ain’t one thing in there of substance. Get off that Disney ass Prince Charming fairytale. You let Santa go as a kid, let that shit go too.

Here’s another thing: I bet you like Khloe though. But here’s the dirty little secret, she’s JUST as bad as Kim. The main reason why you like her though is because she’s tall, awkward-looking, and not conventionally attractive. She is the physical embodiment of that awkward little girl inside of you from your high school days. She’s the ugly duckling that made it, that got her a baller. She’s that inner you, and that’s why you like her, why you sometimes live vicariously through her. She lets you know that you can have a face like Smegael and a body like Spongebob and still pull a rich guy.

Stop being so damn bitter and superficial. If you quantify love at any point in a relationship, you are already losing. Step your personality game up to the level of your work ethic and stop being worried about some other woman and her lifestyle.

-GT


My Internet Travels: Comedy and Comics

The Oatmeal – theoatmeal.com

Let me tell you, this is a new discovery by me, but this guy’s site is HILARIOUS as shit. He uses his artistic style to tell you what would normally be in a bllog post, has a book, and his more hilarious comics can even be ordered as a poster. Check his site out, and its SFW, so go ahead and die of laughter during lunch break.

Epic Meal Time – epicmealtime.com

First off, I like bacon. These dudes LOVE bacon. As in, they built a scale model building out of bacon. They fucking LOVE bacon. They are a bunch of Canadian cooks that make the most random meals, and they are epic as hell. The host, hilarious as shit. I mean, this dude has no script and I can’t even describe the tears I have weeped in laughter. The Food Network should seriously pick this show up.

Stop it B!

Felonious Munk is a comedian who rocks shows up and down the eastern seaboard, and makes the realest videos out there. Nothing better than something that makes you laugh and think at the same time. Catch his tweets at @felonious_munk


Where Are Our Action Stars?

For real. I need to know. Every generation has had some sort of American icon in movies, some hero, some dude that would kick ass, take names, shit on your cat, smash your girl, beat that one level you were stuck on, and make sure he did it all in a timely and efficient manner. From John Wayne to Bruce Willis, we have always had someone. Hell in the past 30 years, we have always had at least:

2 Americans (Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone)

2 Europeans (Jean-Claude & Arnold Schwarzenegger—>Jason Statham & Gerard Butler)

1 Asian (Bruce Lee–>Jackie Chan–>Jet Li–>Tony Jaa)

and at least 1 Black dude (Sydney Portier, Danny Glover, Wesley Snipes, Denzel Washington)

Gay arm wrestling?

But right now we have no Americans for real. Mark Wahlberg? Last action movie I enjoyed him in was The Big Hit (does The Other Guys count?), and that was a LONG time ago. Vin Diesel? Name 2 movies that were decent outside Fast and the Furious series…exactly. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? He’s more hilarious than anything. Watching wrestling has completely distorted me from taking him seriously ever. Tyrese? If you have followed him on Twitter for long than say, 5 minutes, you know why he’s out.  America is in a recession people, and it shows in our action movies. We are relying far too much on overseas talent to drive our movies. Gerard Butler and Jason Statham are in EVERYTHING. On top of that, anything involving out action heroes are never any new ideas, its always either:

a)based of a comic book

b)a sequel of a sequel of a prequel

2 shit birds with one crap ass boulder.

Where is the originality? The creativity?

It’s Gone.

I guess people are too busy on Facebook and being entertained by these:

- GT


Let’s Play A Game: Olde English Translations

Alright, so if you have read this site for any measure of time, I love internet memes and random ass GIF files that make me laugh. My favorite one right now though is this guy, Joseph Ducreux.

First off, this picture is hilarious as fuck without captions. Its at least 5000 niggas posing like this in pictures at the club every night, so to show that dudes was doing it in portraits 300 years ago makes it 100 times funnier. Now let’s introduce some memes based on this picture. Thanks to Meme Generator I can put my own captions. Let’s start with mines, shall we?

I think I’m pretty goddamn hilarious.

But lets play a game. I’m going to throw up a shitload of these and I want you to see how many of these you can guess what song or the original phrase this is from.

GAME ON.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5. 

6. 

ENJOY.


20,000 Hits and Counting

Yeah, I’m hitting 20,000 hits today, so I guess that means someone out there likes my blog. That means I definitely need to write more. I have always wanted this blog to be light-hearted, yet serious, and foremost informative. I want people to think for themselves, to come to their own conclusions, and I wanted to have fun doing it. I’ve been busy with work, reflection, catching up on a LOT of book reading I’ve been neglecting for months, and of course, more work.

But I definitely need to keep writing. I have a lot of thoughts I want to share with the people, and some of you seem to care, so, in the words of the immortal George Carlin, “why the fuck not?”


Been Gone A Minute…TV I’m Watching

Sorry folks, been gone for a couple weeks. Work, school, more work, crazy ass family, clinicals, all that. So anyways, are any of you watching Archer?

That show is THE SHIT. The first season is on Netflix, and the second season is even funnier. So I would go watch it right now.

New content coming back soon!

Stay tuned folks.


Movies For The Summer

Summer movie time is coming upon us, so I’m breaking down the movies that I’m looking forward to this summer.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

July 1st

I was half-happy, half-pissed off at this trailer. I mean, it let me know the movie was coming out this summer, but this trailer didn’t show me SHIT. I got geeked as all hell, then I had the O_0 face all day afterwards.

Thor

May 6th

This movie looks good. My favorite part about it is they have a black guy that’s playing as one of the Norse Gods, which is mkaing all the racist white folks angry as all hell, which brings me endless entertainment.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

May 20th

Never seen any of these movies, but I know a lot of people are excited about Johnny Depp and all that shit. I have personal reasons for never seeing any of them.

X-Men: First Class

June 3rd

It’s a X-Men movie, so this shit is hype. At least it should be. I know a few people were disappointed with the 3rd one and with Wolverine Origins movie, but I loved both of them.  This one should be good.

The Hangover Part II

May 26th

Never saw the first one. Oh, for fucks sake, unclutch your pearls. A lot of you haven’t seen The Other Guys, which had to be the funniest movie of 2010. Don’t think The Other Guys is funny? Watch this shit and I dare you not to laugh:

Shit is hilarious.

Green Lantern

June 17th

A lot of people are saying this movie doesn’t look good, but kiss my ass. It’s got Ryan Reynolds in it, and he’s hilarious as fuck.  So the movie is going to at least be decent.

Captain America: The First Avenger

July 22nd

Another Marvel movie. Yeah, okay, this summer MAY be a little over-saturated with Marvel heroes. BUT this year BETTER be a setup for an Avenger movie. I mean, they had Nick Fury in the Iron Man 2 movie, chances are he’s going to be in Captain America, so I’m trying to see THAT damn movie right there. It could be just them dudes standing around talking about going to the club and I would go see it.

TWICE.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

July 1st

Yeah, kiss my ass. Transformers is the shit. And the commercial during the Super Bowl is what had me hyped up. It was 30 seconds of the shit-ness. I’m still hyped. I will be seeing this movie at least 3 times.

Transformers. Is.

THE SHIT SON.

So what movies are you looking forward to this summer?


Thursday and Youtube: Well Damn…

So, I was going write out this whole long ass blog post about Facebook etiquette and dudes being thirsty on women’s walls and pictures, and even tagging them in gay ass bathroom model pics, but that shit can wait. I discovered what could possibly be the funniest song of all time, “Colonic” by Tony Roberts, and then this Nah Son! fuckery @starchildluke and @softjunebreeze sent me.

Shits are hilarious though.

Also, since I have tomorrow off, you may or may not get a blog post from me. I wouldn’t bet on it though. I’m lazy.

Any of my readers out there know of any other silly ass fuckery that I might enjoy?


Sit Your Hypersensitive Ass Down In The Corner

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So, I had an argument on Twitter. Big surprise. Here’s the twist. I was called a sexist/misogynist/dude that hates black women at the end of it. Why? Because I said this:

I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…

That’s what I said.

Now to my readers familiar with logic, what we have there is a conditional statement. The two conditions are:

A. They are rocking a weave or lace front.

B. I have met them in person. (i.e. been out with them in a social setting, conversed with them about various subjects, etc.)

If those 2 conditions are true, then I consider them not smart.

Not smart you say?

Yes, that’s what I said.

Now, maybe your definition of smart is the nigga that can add up how much of a tip to leave in their head just by looking at the bill, but my criteria is quite a bit higher, considering I’m a certified genius and all. I consider very few people that most think are smart as such. Smart is a subjective word, and is subject to the speaker and their frame of reference.

Then the lovely @MzTamz responded with this:

i think that is in poor taste and we are probably in a different social class. doesnt mean shes stupid.

Also, when the fuck did “not smart” turn into “dumb”? There is a HUGE grey area between the two.

apparently there is a hookah lounge there too.

Now on to the hypersensitive ass women that jumped on my back. Now women, and especially black women, I understand that it feels like sometimes the world hates you. Dudes don’t want to respond on dating sites to you, you get paid less for doing the same job as men, portrayed as the “Angry Black Woman” in media, all sorts of negative ish too numerous to mention in this article, and hell, deserves an article in itself. I understand this, I know this, but how is saying this:

“I don’t date women with weaves and lace fronts because all of the ones I have met have intelligence levels ranging from above average to dumb as hell, and I want a woman I consider smart.”

different from

“I personally dont fuck with chicks that have weaves & lace fronts. Never met a smart chick with them so…”

Absolutely nothing.

At all.

But I was told these statements, again from the beautiful @MzTamz:

I still disagree. I think ur language is off.

&

same with referring to women as hoes and what not. but we are not on the same page at all because it is demeaning. whether you mean it to be or not. thats how it is dangerous.

Same logical statement with the same conditions. The “problem” was with how I said it. Oh, so I’m supposed to protect the feelings of a whole bunch of people I have never met eh?

And when did I EVEN refer to all women as hoes? Oh wait, I didn’t.

SHUT MY SITE DOWN! AS I APPARENTLY CANNOT HAVE AN OPINION THAT OFFENDS OTHERS! IT’S A WRAP PEOPLE!

Get all the way the fuck out of here with that noise.

Then I made a tweet that said this:

Plus I call lace fronts “hoe helmets”. Call me elitist, whatever, but hoes and ratchets love em. Not my fault.

Hold on, but here’s the kicker. I was told this little gem by @MzTamz

NO i am saying that you referred to lace fronts as hoe helmets and that hoes and ratchets wear them. then you said ppl who wear them are not smart. This is not that difficult. YOU are the one being offensive.

Now check it. She never actually said what I was saying isn’t true, just that I was “offensive” for pointing out such things. Oh okay, so there was no real argument there except they wanted me to conform my language so that it was pleasing to them.

No what I would like? For the bank to conform their accounting practice to make more errors in my favor in my account. Guess what? Ain’t happening.

Then there was this exchange by myself and the ravishing @MzTamz

Stereotyping is never ok. but ok RT @theblackmurse: MzTamz –its not my fault for including you in a group that’s known for certain things.

REALLY?

REALLY?

REALLY SON?

Apparently son. I guess it’s cool though if she turns down any guy for any reason ever due to a choice he consciously made. I wasn’t choosing these women because they were black, or downing them because they were woman, but because of, now pay attention to this part, OF A CONSCIOUS CHOICE THEY MADE. It is perfectly okay to discriminate on those grounds. We all, both man and woman, adult and child, black and white, do this EVERY DAMN DAY. That’s why we don’t loan money to crackheads, why we don’t want to sit next to the really fat person if we don’t have to, why we give the white dude with the sheet, hood, and confederate flag belt buckle the O_o. It’s because of life experience has taught us this.

Life experience.

Which is personal and anecdotal.

Which she tried to tell me was wrong.

Do you honestly know what it would take to prove her case? She would have to know EVERY woman I have come into contact with since I have been dating, and considering she hasn’t met me in my life, I’m pretty sure that establishes her argument as bullshit.

Then when that failed, she (@MzTamz) jumped straight to the “YOU ARE A HATEFUL SEXIST” with these two remarks:

The point is that your language is harmful. I said it was dangerous cause I assumed you werent hateful. But you are

&

you are missing the point. you dont have to say “all women”

Her argument basically boiled down to “You say offensive things and don’t care, but you implied by talking about one subset of people who make a conscious choice aren’t smart, you are REALLY saying all human beings with a vagina are dumb.”

WTF.

If I thought that, I would have said it.

Plus, and here is a very important thing, if you are going to call someone a sexist, you want to at least make sure of this one thing:

THAT THEY DIDN’T WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT HOW SEXISM IS FUCKED UP LESS THAN 2 HOURS AGO.

Just saying.

So please, don’t be the reactionary that plays the race card or the gender card without doing your due diligence on the person you are accused of talking about. It’s a bad look. It’s like the dude in the barber shop that proclaims “If the NBA gives the MVP to Kobe instead of Derrick Rose they are racist!” You aren’t really thinking your position through and only trying to discredit the other person through loaded and virulent language, not by actually arguing what they have to say.

Also what’s with all the faux concern about who I put my penis in? You can’t call me thirsty in one sentence while being concerned about the goings-on of my penis.

Finally, don’t do all that subtweeting with the lies and all that. “@ me or dap me” that’s what all the cool kids are saying now right? Do that. I also sincerely hope all of those women who think stereotyping is never ok give that guy with the face and neck tattoos and a rap sheet for domestic violence their number, because hey, you can’t make judgement calls off of life experience. ;)

But when it’s all said and done, I got love for all women, even the hotheaded and irrational ones. I feel your pain, but calm all that hypersensitive ish down. So if you still got beef or whatever, let it go, because guess what?

 

It’s just Twitter, folks.


Hood Sexism: Really Son?

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Last week on Twitter this guy @MoeScoe was showing off this new t-shirt he designed to a lady, @secretaddy. The t-shirt was this:

There are all types of shit wrong with this, which the creator clearly didn’t see. His responses were even more comical Let me just show you some of the responses to the complaints about his shirt:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

@secretaddy ok u taking this too far, just shut up. damn! have u consider that fact that some pple like to be handled that way??? lol

and

@secretaddy thus wats wrong with pple these days, just jump into conclusion, u went too far with this shit, disappointed in you.fuck!

You know, once upon a time, I used to wonder what exact women meant by misogyny, but this right here hits me as plain as day. What he failed to realize is that the shirt can be interpreted to advocate rape. Then it has the word “bully” in it. The definition of bully in the Merriam-Websters is:

–noun

1. 

a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. 

Archaic . a man hired to do violence.
–verb (used with object)
6. 

to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.
So a “bedroom bully” is someone who intimidates and provokes fear inside the bedroom, and the image is of a man dragging a woman into a bedroom. That looks a lot like rape to me. Plus if that’s the FIRST interpretation that even a small percentage of your market comes away with, you may want to rethink your shirt. Unless of course, you plan on selling to to other ignorant ass niggas who also don’t know any better.
I think what really bothered me was this statement though:

@secretaddy u are too tight relax damn, its just a metahpor, we dont actually drag girls like that, damn, its not u being dragged. relax

He told her not to worry, because it wasn’t her being dragged.

Oh ok.

So women should be cool with other women being dragged into the bedroom and bullied into sex (remember: bullying implies its unwanted, because if its wanted, it ain’t bullying folks) as long as it ain’t them. Let’s take this logic further. You should be okay with gang violence and children getting shot in the street, as long as it ain’t your kids. Be cool with houses being burglarized, as long as it isn’t your house.

WTF.

Sexism like this has to stop. It’s ignorant, it’s abrasive, and it’s just plain dumb. When 1 in 6 women have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape, this kind of blatant “metaphor” shirt just speaks volumes of how little we take things seriously in the black community. It’s downright deplorable.

Let me know what you think in the comments.


Music Monday: March 28th, 2011

Jesse Boykins III | Prototype 3010, a short film from LightUp Film on Vimeo.

Look, I got a paper I have to write, so I’m just gonna drop this off here and tell you to enjoy. It’s a cover  of Andre 3K’s “Prototype” by Jesse Boykins III. It’s long, but soulful as hell, and the ending has a few surprises.

Also, I need my hair to get on that Jesse Boykins III status, for real.

Full featured post coming tomorrow.

EDIT: I found the mp3 out there for all of you, because I’m such a nice guy download by right-clicking and choose “Save As”.

Jesse Boykins III “Prototype 3010″


The War in Libya: GIF Edition

So Egypt had all these protests and the people told Mubarak

And then the people of Libya got the idea of freedom so they were like

But Ghaddafi didn’t think they were gonna do it because he was living like

But then they started actually attacking his places and he was like

Then when his army started defecting and taking weapons Ghaddafi was like

In the meantime America and Europe was all

Then the rebels started feeling themselves and Garfinelfunk was all like

And then started bombing the shit out of them and all the white folks were like

But gas started going up so Americans were all like

Since the rebels asked for our help and earlier we were all

We told them we were FINALLY coming to their aid so Gabootypopper was like

and then he was talking all types of ish about he this was gonna end up like

But then he agree to a ceasefire and we just was like

and bombed him anyways and enacted a no-fly zone and told him

TRUE STORY.


Are You Prepared For Zombies? Zombie Rules For Life

Be prepared bitches

Are you ready? This shit could happen. Why? Because I just had a dream about it. Not the kind of Rambo-esque type dream where I was mowing down zombies left and right though. I actually only shot 2 zombies. Technically I shot someone while they were still human, but they were really close to turning and like 2 minutes later they jumped up as a zombie and I shot them again. Then I also threatened this guy to paint the walls with his brains if he ever threatened me again, because he was all mad I shot that chick early and the resulting noise attracted more zombies. Okay so I shot more than 2, like 8.

Still though, most of the dream was about dealing with the breakdown of society and how people reformed into tribal groups and their survival mentality led to some strange happenings. Like the strip club/chicken place called Breasts & Wings (greatest idea BTW, and if you steal it I will kill you), where this dude saved the strippers and opened raises chickens in the back of the place. Then the gun store was run by some Indian dude who didn’t like violence. Then there were the gang of Haitians who thought I was Puerto Rican…and then subsequently tried to kill me. It was all weird, but it let me know quite a few things:

1. Talking about zombies enough will lead to having a dream about one, count on it.


2. Find some guns as soon as things start off with the zombie apocalypse. Makes things easier later on down the road.

Have lots of ammo and spare magazines for said guns and actually know how to use them. You don’t want to try to figure out how a gun works when a zombie is 5 feet away from biting your face off. Also reminded: aim for the head. That should probably be its separate point but always aim for the head, regardless of whether you are using a gun, a sledgehammer, meat cleaver, dildo, doesn’t matter. Well actually I would be a tad bit concerned if you were trying to fight off zombies with a dildo, but hey, different strokes for different folks.

His aim is off.

 

3. Don’t be the last one to hit up a grocery store.

I would actually advise looting a grocery store first. After all, you can’t eat bullets for dinner. All the non-perishables WILL be gone in the first 48 hours, count on it. So I would advise you to a) if shit hasn’t gotten real yet but you know its about to, calmly buy up all the canned food and dog food you can or b)if shit just got real as fuck, back up a damn SUV right through the front door and raid that hell out of the store.

Their bags are too small.

4. Water. Make sure you have it, or live close enough to a large body of fresh water. Dehydration is not the way you want to go out.

I don’t think I could possibly stress this enough. Remember the rule of 4. You can only go 4 minutes without air, 4 days without water, and 4 weeks without food before you die. Have water, When you hit the grocery store a metric fuckton of bottled water should be on that list, along with filling every container that can be reasonably sealed in your house with water. I don’t possibly think I could stress exactly how essential water is to…everything. Have it.

Don't let this be you.

5. Ladies: If you are good-looking, you are going to want to attach yourself to a man who has plenty of survival skills and can assure you live for a long time, that’s all you need to do, because believe me, that negro with the new jordans won’t make it a week. Ugly chicks, I suggest you learn some survival skills or be amazing at pleasing a man or something, because you might be ass out.

I help her, and she damn sure better help me.

Call me an asshole, call me a cynic, but during an apocalypse, you are out for your own self-interest, which means you are basically using people. It’s only a problem when you are trying to use someone when you provide no tangible benefit to the other person. Hot chick, she allows a man to have sex and possibly procreate with a hot chick. It’s as basic as genetics. Fat chick, ugly chicks; you better have some survival skills or something, because for a man trying to survive, you really don’t serve a purpose to him. You better know how to rebuild transmissions or make solar panels out of aluminum foil, duct tape, floss, and an old 50 Cent cd, because that’s the only way they are going to want to keep you around. Conversely, hot chicks, you might want to keep that prude shit pre-apocalypse, because your dream guy is now stumbling around as a walking corpse with half his face eaten off. I keep you alive, you need to be more than willing to drop it like it’s hot.

6. Fat people, lose weight. Being able to run isn’t an option. Zombies don’t get tired.

They really don't.

A good 30-something percent of Americans are fat and out of shape. That’s real. Of course you are thinking “Well, that means 1/3rd of the zombies will be too fat to catch me anyways!” Yeah, that would be true, except for a couple things. One, chances are their fat WILL burn off from the fact that they never sleep and are always moving around. Secondly, because they don’t get tired. Your fat ass will get winded after a block, but that fat zombie can keep running until their body literally falls apart mid-stride. So yeah, get in shape, learn how to climb shit, get your upper-body strength up, and watch a couple parkour videos. It could save your life.

7. Know how to siphon gas. Good skill especially if you have to use transportation to get away from an area that is now uninhabitable.

Professional grade thievery.

Seriously, you will need to know this in order to take what little bit of refined gas will be left. Know how to pull gas out of abandoned cars, underground gas station pumps, all sources. Know how to run a pump too, as that could make the process a lot easier, especially when dealing with gas stations. The last thing you want to do is be trapped in an area that was once pretty peaceful but now contains a clusterfuck of zombies.

8. Never join a group of people based on race or ethnic background alone.

You would think this would be common sense, but a lot of you people out there in the world as dumb as shit. You join groups based on skillset and benefit or if they are CLOSE friends. Why would you want to be in a group where likely the only thing keeping you from turning on each other is, “oh all are the same skin color,” or “but we all speak the same dialect of <insert language>”. Guess what, that won’t keep a person from getting on some unplanned bullshit. Now if the reasons are “man that guy can hunt his ass off,” or “He taught me how to use <insert weapon> effectively,” its a much better chance of cohesion and way more likely to defuse potentially volatile conflicts.

9. Keep your friends close, and your enemies far far FAR away from you, or kill them outright.

Yep. Think about it. your emotions during a time of unimaginable stress and conflict all become magnified, so people who just mildly disliked you now hate you, and those who couldn’t stand you are likely to want to walk around with you head on a mop handle and prop that shit up in the front lawn. Avoid them whenever possible, because the most likely conflict will come is when they see you do ANYTHING that isn’t dying. If you are doing ANYTHING that is in some way positive, they will develop a jealousy that you have never seen. Now, if avoiding them isn’t an option and you KNOW that this person will be a problem for you, whether they are living or undead, and ONLY if society has already completely broken down, take their ass out. No one is going to arrest you, and better to get the jump on them then they get it on you. Sounds fucked up, I know, but I rather not be the one on the business end of a gun over the fact that they hate me because I yell at their ass for fucking up my order all the time at McDonalds.

10. Fishing. Cooking. Hunting. Know them well.

Hot chicks, meet your future husband.

If you don’t know how to fish or hunt then chances are you will be jolly well fucked. If you are a hot chick, well you will still be fucked, but not exactly in the way anyone not in your category would be. These are the skills that will keep you alive long after the zombies are gone. Society will take a LONG fucking time to rebuild itself. A good 10 years at LEAST. Plus add in all the bureaucratic nonsense with people wanting to exert power and establishing laws again and  religion and all sorts of other immature hangups people have that will impede the progress of humanity. Word to the wise: If you have a nice group or community you have that works. Stick with it. Don’t be in a rush to return to society at large, because it will, basing off the past of human society, it will be a clusterfuck. Bet on it.

Well, these are rules to survival. I’m sure I have a few more, but I wanted to give them to all of you while they were fresh in my mind. Remember these things, because they may save your life. Oh, and don’t come looking for me, I may or may not have gone insane and may or may not shoot you on sight.

I may.

Unless you are a hottie.


Terrible Tuesday: Ginuwine Edition

Ever seen people dance badly to Ginuwine’s sing “Pony”? Ever seen a supermix of it? Well, if not, ummm…here you go.

Enjoy.

Also random pictures that make me laugh.

GO!


Music Monday: Jose James Tribute Selections

Well since I missed last Music Monday, I decided to go with a super-long mix this week, and this week brings us Jose James, a jazz artist introduced to me , as usual, by @softjunebreeze (seriously though, she puts me on to almost everything I listen to nowadays). This mix is a zone-out classic. The songs on here range from love songs, to upbeat clean-the-kitchen joints, to joint joints. He does a lot of songs with other artists as well, with singing on pretty much all of them. Prepare to open up a jazz club in your ears people.

Tracklist and download link below.

 

01. Little Bird feat. José James – Jazzanova – Of All The Things
02. Autumn in New York – José James & Jef Neve – For all we know
03. Winterwind – José James – The Dreamer
04. I Don’t Know Why (I Just Do) feat. José James – Chico Hamilton – Twelve Tones of Love
05. My Favorite Thing– José James & Jef Neve – Facing East : The Music of John Coltrane (recorded live)
06. Equinox – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
07. Love Conversation feat. Jordana de Lovely – José James – Blackmagic
08. Evidence of Existence – José James – Blackmagic
09. Night in Tunisia – Toshio Maatsura feat. José James – Blue Note Street
10. Promise In Love feat. José James – DJ Mitsu The Beats – A Word To The Wise
11. L.O.V.E.J.A.M. feat. José James – J.A.M. – Just Another Mind
12. Like Leaves in the Wind – Nicola Conte – Rituals
13. Ya Dig feat José James 1 – Timo Lassy – Timo Lassy
14. Jazzy Joint feat. José James – J.A.M. – Just A Maestro
15. All or Nothing at All feat. José James – Nicola Conte Jazz Combo – The Modern Soul of Nicola Conte
16. Moanin’ – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
17. The Dreamer – José James – The Dreamer (recorded live at Paradiso, Amsterdam)
18. Awakening feat José James – Nicola Conte – Rituals
19. Lush Life – José James & Jef Neve – For all we know
20. Lazy Afternoon feat. José James – Chico Hamilton – Twelve Tones of Love
21. Lay You Down – José James – Blackmagic
22. Kings & Queens feat. José James – Yellowtail – Grand & Putnam
23. Electromagnetic feat. Ben Westbeech and TK Wonder – José James – Blackmagic (Japan)
24. José James Interview – Lexis – MIMS
25. Visions of Violet – José James – Park bench people EP
26. Gimme Somethin’ True feat. José James – Basement Jaxx – Scars

right-click to download here


Don’t Ask Black Questions (Or Get Socked In The Face)

This post goes out to all the white people who live in damn near all-white areas and encounter a black person 2, 3 times a year tops. This one’s for you.

As I sat in Starbucks on my laptop smashing some oatmeal cookies Sunday night, a man comes in. White, middle aged, disheveled looking, but nothing out of the ordinary in Highland Park, where I live. I was at Starbucks because my internet was down for some crazy ass reason and I needed to finish some work and do some stuff for the blog. Well, backtrack. First it was only me and this white girl in there out of the whole coffee shop. There is a long couch that’s a good 14 feet long. She sat at one end, and I sat down at the other. In 30 seconds she got up and moved ALL the way over to the other side of the coffee shop. I guess a black man in medical scrubs is intimidating to her.

Anyways, so I have the whole couch to myself when this guy comes in. He proceeds to sit as close as he humanly could to me it seems, and keeps glancing at me. I’m zoning out typing so I’m not really paying him any mind. Then after about 2 minutes he breaks my concentration with a question:

“Hey, do you like reggae?”

I  gave this dude the side-eye from hell. In my mind I was thinking to myself, “where in the hell is this line of questioning going?” So I responded,

“Nope. I hate it.”

Then he comes back with

“Well what about rap and R&B?”

Now I’m pretty much glaring down this dude trying to decide whether I should chop his ass in the throat or dump his coffee on his head…and then chop his ass in the throat. But I just respond

“Nope. I listen to blues, music from the 20s, 30s, and 40′s.”

I said this in hopes he would stop asking me questions, or basically shut the hell up talking to me. But he had to finish it off with this:

“Oh I just thought you listened to reggae because you look like a soulful person.”

What the fuck does that even mean? How does someone hammering away angrily on a laptop look soulful? That’s about the dumbest shit I ever heard, this month.

Listen white people, if you don’t encounter black people often, here’s a tip. Talk to us the same exact way you would a white person. Don’t come at us saying “What’s up bro” or “dog” or any unnecessary slang to make yourself look cool. It’s hella offensive and we immediately label you are either retarded or racist, sometimes both. So if you are about to say something to a black person you don’t know, ask yourself these things:

Am I asking because they are black?

Is this in any way associated with any stereotypes?

If the answer is no to both, then go ahead. But don’t be that guy or that silly ass racist chick either.

I should have stolen her purse.

Joking.

...maybe.


Music Monday: Stalley – Intelligent Trunk Music

Shoutout to @softjunebreeze for putting me on to Stalley, from Brooklyn by way of Ohio. He’s like Curren$y, except for more cars and no weed. His production is outstanding, especially on SLAP and 330. Definitely a download for real, and you can’t beat $free.99 so, get it. We could def use more support for artists that aren’t crappy.

Download Link

Bandcamp Page


Are Whites Racially Oppressed? Fuck No They Aren’t

I saw this hilariously dumb ass article on CNN. Now I know they are trying to not be biased, but come the fuck on now son. No one is shooting first at white folks because of stereotypes. They aren’t getting locked up at higher rates than their population numbers suggest, they aren’t treated badly due to stereotypes, they aren’t passed over for jobs because of skin color, none of that shit. NONE OF THAT SHIT HAPPENS TO WHITE PEOPLE.

When white people get crosses burned in their yard, let me fucking know.

Just the thought of this shit has me heated. I only can express my feelings right now with this GIF.

 

 

 

 

I just think this is just a different manifestation of  racism, since the whole burning crosses and wearing sheets thing is unpopular now. So now instead they go for this “but WE are the victims! Yes, us, with all of our social privileges and benefits are victims!”

What?

Yeah white people, you are oppressed here in the US. The black man for too long has had his boot on the neck of the white man.

 

 

Come the fuck on people.


Get The Fuck Off The Internet

This is going to be a list of shit that people need to get kicked off the fucking internet for. Like no bullshit kicked off the internet, or at least any type of social media.

Taking pictures of your baby laying in your tax refund money


Oh so you balling now huh?  Then why were you only drinking water at the bar last month and your car still sitting on a flat at your cousin’s house since last summer? This shit is the height of ignorance, and don’t worry, I’m gonna save that picture, so next time you talk about how you are too broke to do something, I’ll make sure to pull up the picture and ask about your baller status and why your baby doesn’t have any new clothes since that picture.

Not knowing the difference between there, their, and they’re (and related spelling errors)


Now I understand that some of you didn’t have parents who loved you and cared enough to make sure you write and speak proper English, but you are grown now, probably with kids on your own. It would behoove you for the sake of your kids to not make these spelling errors. Get a 4th grade workbook, take the GED for fun (or because you really need to pass it), and bone up on your grammar. You are embarrassing to know right now.

Inbox or DM people religious scriptures to people you know don’t believe in your religion


Look, good for you that your particular brand of fairy tales gives you life in the morning, and that without it you wouldn’t know what to do, but when you KNOW that the person you are messaging has no interest in your particular brand of crazy, and you do it anyways, you are just being a prick. Unless being a pretentious douche is a tenet of your religion, then cut that shit out. All you are going to do is make them resort to logic to destroy your beliefs and for you to get all defensive and go pray/bow/Kristna dance about it later on. Don’t be an internet Jehovah’s Witness, because everyone hates them.

Put up pictures at Myspace angles because you are fat as shit

You know who the fuck you are. Never taking pictures below the bra line or cropping the shit out of pictures. You’re fat. Own that shit. If you don’t want to own that shit, then you better own a bike, a treadmill, or a gym membership. These dudes you are talking to that you are flirting with are going to want to meet you eventually, and no one likes being deceived. If you have any pics like this:

I’m gonna need to to get the fuck off the internet and get the fuck on a diet.

for real son.


Music Monday: Roy Ayers Edition

This is a Roy Ayers mixtape of the highest order. Me describing it wouldn’t do it justice, so I’m just going to give you the tracklist and the download link, so right-click to download.

Roy Ayers Tracklist

1. We Live In Brooklyn
2. Pretty Brown Skin
3. Red Black & Green
4. Giving Love
5. Show Us A Feeling
6. Everytime I See You
7. Love Fantasy
8. The Boogie Back
9. Life Is Just A Moment Part 1
10. Running Away
11. Heat Of The Beat
12. Don’t Stop That Feeling
13. Fire Up The Funk
14. I Wanna Feel It (I Wanna Dance)
15. Everybody
16. Searching
17. Ooh
18. Slow Motion
19. Love Is Love
20. Everybody Loves The Sunshine

Download Link


Rush Limbaugh Shows His Racism; America Feigns Surprise

She needs to punch the shit out of him.

Rush Limbaugh, known for recently attacking Michelle Obama for (GASP!) telling people in the midst of an obesity epidemic that we need to start eating healthier, giving suggestions for healthier eating ,and for schools to CONSIDER adopting healthier school lunches. SO of course his natural racist reaction is to say she is a socialist, community organizer, and probably a Martian. After being trashed for being a prick, which is nothing new, he then comes out and says this bullshit here:

“Some people are suggesting that my comments were below the belt,” Limbaugh said. “Well, take a look at some pictures. Given where she wears her belts, I mean she wears them high up there around the bust line. Isn’t just about everything about her below the belt when you look at the fashion sense she has?”

Really son?

Soooo, you fat no tie wearing sexually harassing bastard has a modicum of women’s fashion sense eh? Then explain this picture of your Republican darling Sarah Palin AND her daughter.

Racism + Fashion = Rush Limbaugh

Get the fuck outta here son.

Fam...


Verizon: Motorola XOOM No Longer Requires Data Package to Unlock WiFi

The close to DOA tablet from Motorola may just have been given a small spark of life. After Verizon was bombarded with complaints about the fact that if you bought an off-contract Xoom for $800, (nearly $275 more than an iPad), you also had to buy at least one month of a data plan to unlock WiFi. Pretty much everyone knew this was BS and complained from the jump, on top of the high ass price it charged for the tablet. But, Verizon has relented and now you can buy the Xoom with 3G and WiFi both unlocked from the jump. Me, on the other hand, I’m waiting for the $600 WiFi-only version, if I even get one, because I’m still on the fence about dealing with Motorola’s hypocritical business stance and locked bootloaders.


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