Greg on Gadgets, Girls, Games, and Ghetto Ish

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Kim Kardashian Hate: Justified or Not?

As most of the Twittersphere is aware of, Kim K. got ran through bustdown engaged yesterday to some random dude who plays on the New Jersey Nets proposed with a 20.5 carat 2 million dollar ring. Of course, this got people who spend too much time worried about people who they don’t even know all up in arms and at least 20 to 30 millions panties got collectively in a bunch. All types of shade and slander were thrown, wonder why a woman like her, whose coochie is pretty much given to any athlete as soon as they sign a contract like a the air freshener on a rear-view mirror when you buy a car, is deserving of a ring that damn big or even marriage. Like one tweet I saw, “2 million is a lot to pay for a cow when all of pro sports got the milk for free”. But where does all this hate stem from? And why the hell does it even matter?

Ray J paid her in hot wings and a bus pass.

This post will be written in 2 parts. The nice, compassionate, understanding side, and the well…ummm, dumb side.

Nice guy first.

COMPASSION INCOMING!

I get it. I see the shade. You worked your ass off in college with that 4.0, went out in the world, got a good job, gave that corporate world glass ceiling a smooth ass uppercut and you are making it. You work hard, and play harder. Yet you are single. Not only are you single, but you always seem to get caught up with the douchebags, the no ambition ass guys. Kim K. however is famous and gets money for doing shit but being on her back for famous men and gets the world on a silver platter. I get it.

Kim K. reminds you of those women you have encountered in your life that have rode by on their looks and contribute nothing to the world, the one that you get looked over for either at work or in your personal life, and then after the fellas have had their fill, want to come running to you for some substance. I get that. It sucks. You worked hard fine-tuning your mind into a razor-sharp trap with books, studying, frequent trips to the museums, yet seemingly good men fall at the feet of a woman who can’t even take the time to learn how to give a good blowjob.

Where’s your ring? You worked hard. You deserve it. That’s how you feel. Why should a woman whose most known for giving away the cooch to anyone have the world? Why should she rise to a higher level in life than you? How come if you were to do those same things, you would get nothing but negative attention? She’s superficial, she’s vain, and just not worthy. It’s all backwards, that’s what this world is. It’s misogynist, and fucked up. I get it. I feel you.

ASSHOLE SECTION AHEAD!

Harsh truth time. No one wants your bitter, uppity ass. Know why you are single? No man wants an angry woman. NONE. We get it, you worked hard. Guess what? So did I, and so did a lot of people out there who aren’t living that life. We aren’t bitter, and we aren’t worried about what the next person is doing. We are worried about being happy with what we got and focused on our OWN lives.

Guess what? You’re just as superficial as she is. If you think happiness comes in the form of a pro sports player and a 2 million dollar engagement ring, you are just as fucked mentally as she is. You’re degrees don’t mean shit with that kind of mentality, and that’s real.

This world doesn’t owe you shit. Get over it. You have bad relationships, probably because you chase men based upon what they have instead of who they are, and probably work off of appearances. Let me guess, he has to be 6’2″+, a certain skin color, a certain car, no kids, etc. You are looking for a dude that really doesn’t exist. You got this list and I bet ain’t one thing in there of substance. Get off that Disney ass Prince Charming fairytale. You let Santa go as a kid, let that shit go too.

Here’s another thing: I bet you like Khloe though. But here’s the dirty little secret, she’s JUST as bad as Kim. The main reason why you like her though is because she’s tall, awkward-looking, and not conventionally attractive. She is the physical embodiment of that awkward little girl inside of you from your high school days. She’s the ugly duckling that made it, that got her a baller. She’s that inner you, and that’s why you like her, why you sometimes live vicariously through her. She lets you know that you can have a face like Smegael and a body like Spongebob and still pull a rich guy.

Stop being so damn bitter and superficial. If you quantify love at any point in a relationship, you are already losing. Step your personality game up to the level of your work ethic and stop being worried about some other woman and her lifestyle.

-GT


Are Whites Racially Oppressed? Fuck No They Aren’t

I saw this hilariously dumb ass article on CNN. Now I know they are trying to not be biased, but come the fuck on now son. No one is shooting first at white folks because of stereotypes. They aren’t getting locked up at higher rates than their population numbers suggest, they aren’t treated badly due to stereotypes, they aren’t passed over for jobs because of skin color, none of that shit. NONE OF THAT SHIT HAPPENS TO WHITE PEOPLE.

When white people get crosses burned in their yard, let me fucking know.

Just the thought of this shit has me heated. I only can express my feelings right now with this GIF.

 

 

 

 

I just think this is just a different manifestation of  racism, since the whole burning crosses and wearing sheets thing is unpopular now. So now instead they go for this “but WE are the victims! Yes, us, with all of our social privileges and benefits are victims!”

What?

Yeah white people, you are oppressed here in the US. The black man for too long has had his boot on the neck of the white man.

 

 

Come the fuck on people.


Rush Limbaugh Shows His Racism; America Feigns Surprise

She needs to punch the shit out of him.

Rush Limbaugh, known for recently attacking Michelle Obama for (GASP!) telling people in the midst of an obesity epidemic that we need to start eating healthier, giving suggestions for healthier eating ,and for schools to CONSIDER adopting healthier school lunches. SO of course his natural racist reaction is to say she is a socialist, community organizer, and probably a Martian. After being trashed for being a prick, which is nothing new, he then comes out and says this bullshit here:

“Some people are suggesting that my comments were below the belt,” Limbaugh said. “Well, take a look at some pictures. Given where she wears her belts, I mean she wears them high up there around the bust line. Isn’t just about everything about her below the belt when you look at the fashion sense she has?”

Really son?

Soooo, you fat no tie wearing sexually harassing bastard has a modicum of women’s fashion sense eh? Then explain this picture of your Republican darling Sarah Palin AND her daughter.

Racism + Fashion = Rush Limbaugh

Get the fuck outta here son.

Fam...


Verizon: Motorola XOOM No Longer Requires Data Package to Unlock WiFi

The close to DOA tablet from Motorola may just have been given a small spark of life. After Verizon was bombarded with complaints about the fact that if you bought an off-contract Xoom for $800, (nearly $275 more than an iPad), you also had to buy at least one month of a data plan to unlock WiFi. Pretty much everyone knew this was BS and complained from the jump, on top of the high ass price it charged for the tablet. But, Verizon has relented and now you can buy the Xoom with 3G and WiFi both unlocked from the jump. Me, on the other hand, I’m waiting for the $600 WiFi-only version, if I even get one, because I’m still on the fence about dealing with Motorola’s hypocritical business stance and locked bootloaders.


Talking Shit on Facebook? Your Job Can’t Do Shit.

Yes! People rejoice! We all have had jobs where we need to vent, and now you can vent your ass off on statuses on Facebook and Twitter, now due to the settling of a case out of court by a Connecticut ambulance service who fired a woman for complaining about her boss on Facebook in a status update.

She's talking shit.

As long as your aren’t being specific about who and where you are referring to, you can pretty much say anything you like, and if they fire you, you can sue that ass and get that nice settlement. So vent away and unleash your rachetness corporate drones!


Redefine Rape? My Ass. Wait…

Now I usually stay away from serious topics like religion or sexuality, mainly because it’s hard to be funny while discussing something that is serious and has affected friends and family members of mines. But sometimes, sometimes…people just do some ridiculous shit, and it needs to be commented on. This is one of those times.  Republicans have tried to introduce an act called the No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act that would drastically reduce the definition of rape and incest. To explain how drastic, I present to you this comic panel.

Don't even look for something funny here...

This basically sums it up. Unless you look like a victim on Law & Order: Criminal Intent laid up in a hospital bed with the shit kick out of you and you get pregnant, you don’t get access to federal tax dollars for an abortion.

Now I have a problem with authority, mainly because it boils down to one person tells someone else what they can and can’t do with the body granted to them by whatever deity or forces you choose to believe in. What’s even worse is a bunch of fuckin dudes trying to tell a woman what they can do with their body. If that isn’t the most retardedest shit ever, I don’t know what is.

Close...but nope.

Clearly I disagree with this. This bill makes no sense but comes from the anti-abortion pro-life side which can’t make a single argument for their side without falling back to religion, which is an automatic lose, because of separation of church and state and the U.S. not having an official religion and all that jazz. Plus it’s coming from Republicans, who want to cut education and increase defense spending, so they want you to have the baby, so then THEY can kill it by under-educating them so they can be cannon fodder in some pointless conflict. Fuck all that.

Now, here’s where predictably shit is going to hit the fan in this post. There is another bill in Georgia proposed by state Rep. Bobby Franklin (R-Marietta) that wants to prevent people from being called victims in cases of rape, incest, stalking, and harassment, but instead be “accusers”.

I agree with this change.

The tomatoes burn my eyes!

Let me explain why I agree with this before you pelt me with a metric ton of tomatoes. “To be classified, off the bat, as an accuser instead of as a victim places on more barrier to reporting the crime to the authorities,” writes Amie Newman at RH Reality Check, who points out that Franklin’s state of Georgia ranks 11th out of the 50 states and the District of Columbia for incidences of forcible rape. BUT this in itself makes no sense. I don’t think there would be any woman who would be all for reporting a rape, but then say, “well, they are going to call me an accuser, so I will pass.” Most won’t even know that they are called the accuser, as it will be used mostly for the legal paperwork and in court. There is nothing forcing the police to say accuser over victim.

Now people will say, “well these are crimes where females are the victims the majority of the time!” That is true. Unfortunately, they also tend to be the crimes which require there to be proof a crime actually occurred. A victim of theft, a victim of assault, a victim of other crimes… there’s obviously a victim. The question isn’t “was there a crime.” The question is “did this person commit the crime.” In rape, stalking, etc… the question isn’t who did it, the question is of whether or not there was a crime.

By legally saying, “you’re a victim of rape” or “you’re a victim of stalking,” you’re already essentially calling the accused guilty, since there typically isn’t any question or debate about the parties involved… rather the question is what actually happened. That isn’t the case by calling somebody a victim of theft, etc.

Even acknowledging someone as a victim is an assumption, in the case of rape. It is assumed that the crime took place before due process discerns whether or not this was actually the case. Very rarely is it evident on the face of it that someone was, in fact, raped. It’s not obvious like a gunshot wound, a black eye, or a broken window.

It’s this very aspect of the crime — its own subtlety — that demands of us that we be as cautious and as fair and as thorough as possible in our approach, so as to not allow the accusation become a weapon which, to some degree, it already has.

For real though, not in the face.

But, tell me what you think. This is one of the few times I actually care and want to promote discussion, so have at thee.


Verizon iPhone 4? Don’t Buy It

Now, as many people have seen, either from tech news or the obnoxious ass Super Bowl commercials, the iPhone 4 is coming to Verizon in the coming week. Some of yall out there may be excited about this, as it gives you a chance to jump ship from AT&T’s notoriously crap-ass service, bother phone and customer-wise. Well, before you get your hopes all up and drop that tax refund money from claiming your fast-ass cousin’s new baby so you can stunt with what you think is the latest and greatest, let me educate you on some things.

It’s Old Technology

That’s right. It’s old shit. There are at least 5 phones (including my Droid X) that outclass the iPhone 4 that are out right now, with about 10-12 coming out in the next couple months that will completely destroy it. It’s old tech. There are dual-core phones releasing this month on both AT&T and Verizon and more coming in March and April. This iPhone was already just barely behind the power curve when it released, it just had to stick to the selling point of its “Facetime” app and “It’s a fuckin iPhone!”. Yeah…no. For nerds like me, that isn’t flying once I look at your spec sheet.

...what you will type when the new iPhone comes out

The New iPhone is 4 Months Away

Now why in the hell would you lock yourself into a new 1 or 2-year contract over a phone that will become obsolete in the next 4 months? Shit makes no sense. Then 4 months from now after that brand new feeling has worn off and you see everyone jumping on the nuts of the new iPhone (4G or 5 or whatever they will call it), then you will want that. Problem is, Apple charges OUT THE ASS for their phones off-contract…and you already spent your tax refund on new shoes that you will only wear once to the club once you realize every other chick spent their money on the same shit, or you put a down payment on that new Chrysler 200 because that commercial with Eminem was really good. Welp, you are ass out with that obsolete ass phone.

(I said ass a lot didn’t I?)

...or not.

CDMA Network

Now don’t get me wrong, Verizon’s coverage and service is leagues better that AT&T’s, BUT, if you already have an iPhone, there is one BIG thing you will notice you can’t do on Verizon’s service (for now, you can on new 4G phones). You cannot do voice and data at the same time. Basically, you can’t talk on the phone and surf the web or use the GPS or anything that requires data. Yep, it sucks ass (there’s that ass word again). BUT the new iPhone will have a 4G LTE radio in it, so THAT one will be able to in 4 months. So calm your tits and be patient.

There's no app for that shit.

It’s a wack-ass iPhone, son!

In full disclosure, I should tell you, that at one point in time, I owned a white 16GB iPhone 3G. It was raw, at the time. Now, fast forward 2 years later, I own an Android phone. Specifically, a Droid X. Android is the new hot operating system, with 300,000 phones selling with Android on it EVERY DAY. It’s much more flexible, more open, and the majority of mobile developers are flocking to it and away from the Apple App Store and its draconian ass rules. I can change whatever the hell i want on my phone. Hell, I edited my 3G symbol to say I had 4G, just because I felt like it. Took 10 minutes. I could literally flood my blog with images of how my phone can look drastically different in 10 minutes, day-to-day. I can make my phone look like a completely different phone in 15 minutes or less. You know what your iPhone will look like? Everyone else’s iPhone. Have fun changing wallpapers all damn day. That shit is ass. This is 2011.  I want to change my lock screen so instead of a slider it says “Ass & Titties” and you slide a bra across the bottom to unlock. I can do that shit. Apple doesn’t think you can handle that. Even if you jailbreak it you can’t do anything remotely to what I can do.

Example. Does this

look like this

or this

Yet all of these have been my home screens at one point and it would take me less than 10 minutes to change between any of these.

Keep that iPhone ass son.

And as always, if you disagree…

...because I don't.


Amber Rose Naked? I’ll Pass…

So, all of black Twitter and the rap blog sites are all abuzz about nude pics of Amber Rose hitting the ‘net. Am I gonna post them? Fuck no. This is a family blog dammit, and I will not have any of that shit and that fuckery displayed here. BUT I will link you at the bottom if you are wholly incompetent at using Google. Me personally? I don’t give a damn. I have actual porn. Like, a LOT of it. There are plenty of better looking chicks doing a whole lot more than just standing around with their breasts all out. Plus she isn’t that fine anyways. I’ve seen plenty of eye-candy in these 25 years on Earth, and I have been farther than 10 miles from the neighborhood I have grown up in, so she isn’t that raw.

Plus people, seriously, there’s like a world of real porn out there. Like 1/3rd of the internet is JUST porn.

and you can find it all online.

Amber Rose and her naughty bits


Relaunch Bitches!

Aiight, so I haven’t blogged in like 7 weeks. I would love to chalk it up to something like sickness or a death in the family, but truth is, I got lazy. Well that and I was trying some new shit with my life that’s working out, dealing with my ex, watching the first 4 seasons of 30 Rock, shit like that. I’m back now though, and I want this site to be just as ridiculous as when I started, but with a twist.

Now I want people to ask me questions as well. Send them through my email at gfsincere@gmail.com, ask  anonymously through my Tumblr at gregisdumb.tumblr.com/ask send them to me by pigeon, call me, shit, ask me in the frozen food section at the grocery store when I am trying to buy up all the corn dogs in the area, I don’t give a shit. Ask anything, tell me your problems, ask about me, I don’t care. Just ask. I will tell you what’s good, and what damn sure ain’t good.

With that said, happy new year and ummm…fuck.

Yessir.


Breaking News: Dogs More Important Than Black Man

So, white people, we get it. Clearly dogs are more important than black people. We always suspected it, but now you have made it as a fact of law in this country. Now explain to me why you sit and wonder why terrorists want to blow us (and by us, I mean just yall, they know we are victims of circumstance) up? What are your excuses now? Is it still because they hate our freedom? Yes, I too also hate the freedom of white cops killing black people with no consequence but if a black man kills a dog he is running a criminal enterprise. I don’t think (or maybe it is, who knows) this was the freedom the founding fathers had in mind. Don’t believe this is the case? Let’s compare the two cases.

Crime: Michael Vick was convicted of fighting dogs. Dogs. People eat dogs in some countries. Explain to me why its okay to eat some animals but not others, to do f–ked up things like cut their heads off, but not others? Oh, that’s right, someone’s personal preference imposed upon everyone else. The problem with that is, people born into this country don’t agree with what some random dude says. If I love and adore monkeys, can I call the police on the zoo if I see monkeys fighting while people are watching? Nope, sure can’t.

Also, FYI. Dog meat? Delicious.

Crime: Shooting and unarmed black man accused of fighting on a train even thought EVERYONE present said he wasn’t fighting, then got shot in the back of the head by a racist white cop. Enough said.

Sentencing: When Micheal Vick was up for sentencing even though he had a plea deal the courts went for every enhancement they could get. RICO statues and all that. With the racist white cop, the jury found him guilty on tye enhancements and the judge threw it out. The enhancement they threw out? Using a gun while in the commission of the crime. Apparently according to the judge he didn’t. Even though he was SHOT with a GUN in the back of the head, with multiple videos all over the internet, he wasn’t shot and the GUN enhancement was thrown out.

So apparently dogs mean more to white people than black people. Good to know for future reference. Thanks white folks, for all you have done for the past 400 years for us.


Election Day Story

The Tea Party was a bunch of racists who think black people (Obama) is all like

But the Democrats were too busy celebrating like

So the Republicans plotted to get the

and

and the Democrats were all concerned like

but their game plan was

and black people didn’t vote because they were too busy

so the Republicans won the House and feel like

and now the Democrats are all like

but most of the big Tea Party candidates lost so they feel like

and they told all the black people in the Senate to

and now black people are like

.

and the Tea Party would be happy but they are busy doing this

Since the Republicans run the House I just ask them one thing

TRUE STORY.


Who Says No to Weed?

I had a discussion with a woman who I know to be very intelligent and usually right, but on this issue she was so wrong. We argued and argued, and eventually she said this little nugget of wisdom:

“Fine we should legalize weed, then cocaine, then crack, then rapists, then murderers.”

I’m sad the say, but that was about the dumbest f–king thing I have heard in some hours. How do you equate weed=murder? Her argument stemmed from the fact that a colleague is paralyzed from an accident from being hit by a high driver. That’s sad, but driving under the influence of ANYTHING is against the law. Driving while sleepy is illegal too, so do you want to outlaw sleep? Can I not take a nap without being arrested? I mean, since you are so concerned about what I do with my body and all.

Get your ass up, you're under arrest.

Let me break down to YOU, the people who did vote or who would have voted NO on Prop 19, why you are for slavery and are retarded as s–t.

 

 

1)Weed wasn’t made illegal because it got you high

It was made illegal because some douchebag paper baron who owned a metric f–kton of forest had a monopoly on the paper business. He was getting paper, both literally and figuratively. Then here come these a–holes with hemp. They were making ropes, clothes, getting high, and most important to him, PAPER. On top of that hemp was easier to grow and press into paper. So this dude, using his political connections (by connections, I mean big ass sacks of money thrown at politicians) got them to pass a federal law making weed illegal. If this prick wasn’t so greedy, you could have turned in your homework, got an A on it, then smoked your grade on the way home.

He would have been so proud...and high...

 

 

2) It’s harmful

You know what else is harmful. Nicotine. Especially in tobacco. Cigarettes, for those who aren’t catching on.

Will fuck you up, yet somehow legal.

It causes cancer in about half the people who smoke them. Then when they are going through chemotherapy, which for those who don’t know, sucks massive balls. Your hair falls out, you feel drained all the time, and you can’t eat because you can’t keep any food down. You know what alleviates those symptoms though?

 

Hollywood O.G. cures f--king everything.

That’s right. Weed.

 

 

3) But what about car crashes?

Alcohol is more responsible for accidents and fatalities nationwide. Alchol is legal. Why don’t we ban that? Oh, that’s right, it was repealed because it failed miserably. Funny how people in the 1920′s, people who didn’t have TV, the internet, cell phones, blogs, computers, three-headed dildos,  and Roombas have more common sense than us.

I wonder if alcohol was involved?

 

4) But what about our morals?

our "supposed" morals...

 

First off, OUR morals? WE don’t have any d—n morals. You have yours, and I have mines. My morals stop where your body begins, and I would hope you felt the same way. This is what I mean by making weed illegal is the same thing as supporting slavery. You feel like your morals extend to what I can and cannot do with my own body. That’s what slavery is at is basis. Slavery is one man saying, “I know what should be done with your body and life better than you, and if you don’t agree, I will kill you”. It’s the same a criminalizing weed, except for slavery is total contol of moraals, while weed is just one specific area.

You want to criminalize something? Criminalize being fat. They are always in the d–n way, spilling over into my f–kin seat on flights, and generally a nuisance to everyone around with their heavy breathing, greasy sweat, and mild gravitational pull.

His own gravity field is crushing him.

So let’s have a vote on Prop 299+ for criminalizing fat people in public. Stay your ass at home and get a Wii Fit and a stairmaster and don’t come out until you look presentable.

Lock all these fat hoes up for life for this crime against humanity.

 


I Don’t Vote

Yep. Served 5 years in the military and I don’t vote. Never have and probably never will if society continues on the path it has been. Why should I vote? You tell me? For that positive feeling that you get when you feel you have made a difference by picking one bowl of shit over another? I mean, they are all bowls of shit, it’s just whose smell can you tolerate better. Here’s a better idea. How about no bowls of shit for candidates? That’s when I will start voting. If you need more reasons why I won’t vote, here go some more:

How I spend Election Day

 

 

1)Attack Ads

...and make me delicious McRibs.

We all see them on every channel like 5011 times a day. We hear them on every radio staion like eleventy-billion times an hour. They all go along the lines of:

“Don’t vote for my opposition, he’s a douchebag who rapes baby llamas in his free time,”

the other guy’s attack ad says:

“That guy who says I rape baby llamas? well he’s a part of a hate group that uses little black babies as footballs and kicks them through the goalposts on the weekend. And he’s GAY!!!!”

So if I were to go to the voting booth and see both of their names, what am I to do? I mean, I’m damn sure not cool with baby llama rape, and I don’t think I’m okay with using little babies to kick field goals, though that would be hilarious in its own special way. Also what the fuck does being gay have to do with anything. I mean, he’s Republican, so it’s pretty obvious. So you tell me, what’s the point of voting when both candidates suck monkey balls?

 

 

2)Republicans are Racist



Gotta love Texas math.

Sorry, but every Republican is racist until the either a) denounce the Tea Party completely, which is basically the KKK without the burning crosses or sheets, or b) start giving a shit about minorities.

“B-b-but the leader of the National Republican Party is Michael Steele! He’s black!”

Yeah, and the absolute ONLY reason why he is in the position is because Obama l=got elected. It’s like that subtly racist white guy who gets called out so his fall back response is, “I’m not racist! I have black friends! See!” Michael Steele, ladies and gentlemen, is that black friend. On top of that, he is incompetent as shit, which gives the Tea Party more evidence to back up their racist beliefs that black people suck.

 

 

3) People usually vote in the opposite of their interests

Wait...what?

Yep. Look at the Tea Party. They are a bunch of middle-class white people who have had their inner racist exploited by corporations to to vote against the very change they seek. The want a reduced deficit? Obama has done that. Health care coverage? Obama has done that too. Stopped the recession before it got into a full-blown depression? Count it. Yet, these racist assholes vote for the same politicians that want to take everything away that has helped them, and why?

Because a black man did it and will get credit for it.

That’s why.

Asteroids: Clearly the black man's fault.

 

 

4) The Democrats are Punks

Sad but true

They are. How do you control both the House AND the goddamn Senate and struggle to get shit done? You had the majorities to pass anything you wanted in both, and yet all the infighting caused us to not get shit done. When the Republicans run shit, there is no infighting. They get shit passed, regardless of how shitty it is. If the party wants it, the shit gets through because at the end of the day, they are Republican and that’s who they stick to. Democrats? Nope. The rather bicker over silly shit and not get shit passed, and then instead of telling the world “The Republicans don’t give a fuck about you America” every time a bill fails, they are silent, while the Republicans bash the shit out of the Democrats about how ineffective they are, when THEY are the reason the Democrats can’t get shit done.

Fuckin punks.

 

 

5) Batshit Crazy Candidates

No caption needed.

Sharon Angle is batshit crazy. Christine O’Donnell? Batshit crazy. Kendrick Meeks? Batshit crazy. Michele Bachmann? Batshit crazy. That’s just the high-profile ones. Now I’m insane, but I have common sense. Most politicians have none. They are greedy asshole that like power. People that seek power over others are sociopaths, and why the hell would I vote for one? The government is composed of people who want to tell other people what they can and cannot do to themselves when it doesn’t affect anyone else. People who would like that kind of job are batshit crazy.

On top of that, they have the nerve to complain about it. These people make over 100k a year easy. Easy. Not to mention all the little “perks” they get from special interest groups that buy their votes on certain issues. These same people have the fucking nerve to come on TV and complain that they don’t want to read a bill because it’s 2000 pages long? Bitch, my tax dollars pay you, so you better read that damn bill. I read that much in about 2 weeks in my pree time, not counting the amount of reading I do at work. Shit that shit up. PLUS they have people that they can pay to read it for them and summarize it for them. That’s politics for you.

So while you all are out making a “difference” I will save my gas, time, and energy, and sit my black ass at home. If I do feel the sudden urge to vote, I will write-in Billy Dee Williams, because at least if he wins and fucks up, he’s at least going to sound good doing it.

Plus he was the only black guy in the Star Wars galaxy.

Change I can believe in.


White People Need Fear

After reading this story, I wonder what the hell would possess a person to see a train coming, a train which weighs about 100,000 fucking tons, and go, “yeah this would be a peachy keen time to walk across the tracks. Yeah I know the warning gate is down and the lights are flashing, and the train is like 12 feet away, but fuck it, why not?” I then realized the white people have no natural fear whatsoever. They don’t have to worry about the police whipping their ass at random, about drive-bys, gang fights, none of that. Just the occasional meth lab blowing up or priest touching their penis after service. Besides that, no fear.

Noting to fear here...move along...

Seriously. I can’t count how many times I’m driving anywhere and I see white people just stroll across busy intersections like they are superheroes or some shit. White people don’t have fear so they have to go bungee jumping or skydiving or in the Amazon fucking looking for the deadliest snakes or get stabbed in the chest by stingrays. It’s ridiculous. It stems from white privilege. Now I’m not a man who likes to complain, I’m a man of solutions, so here’s some ideas I have been kicking around.

I bet he wishes he had some natural fear now...

Assign a black person to randomly fuck with you. Once a year they just show up randomly and fuck something of yours up in front of you. Twice a year they chase you down the street, four times a year they slap you in the back of the head, and once a month they give you a harassing phone call or slash your tires while you are at the mall. They won’t tell you when they are coming or what time this happens. It just will. You know it and they know. It’s unpredictable as the police shooting a black man for his wallet. It’s fear.

A-a-anyone seen an angry black man around?

For the kids we can stage mock drive-bys where a gang of people drive by firing blanks at the kids while they wait for the school bus. That’ll put a fire in their ass,  some shit in their underwear, and most importantly, fear in their hearts.

Carpool shows up promptly at 7:15 am

For all the people who like to  get their Starbucks fix in the morning, there will be a black guy that stands right by the door, and once a day he will pick someone at random as they are trying to leave and smack their coffee out their hand. Not only is that hilarious for me, but it serves its purpose.

Ice Cube will run the slap-yo-shit department

Also a really good idea is to have a random just slap the living fuck out of your hood while you are at a stop light. That will make you nervous for at LEAST the next hour, I promise you.

Oh, and every time some wanna-be rebel activist yells at the police, they automatically have the right to whip their legs like Rick James.

You know the consequences of this...

These are my solutions. If you have any others feel free to put them in the comments below.

This is plan B...


Shaq in a Damn Dress…

Now, I’m a pretty tolerant person, as I know I am prone to say and do some wildly inappropriate shit on a regular basis, but, sometimes, a line in the sand has to be drawn.

Now I know you got millions of dollars, get money, cheated on your ex-wife faked fouls, can’t shoot a free throw, but all that, I can forgive, and some of that is pretty damn funny. Seriously though, a damn dress? Some things are inappropriate regardless of what day of the year it is. Your big ass in a dress is one of them. Tyler Perry in a dress is another (yeah, fuck you and his stupid ass movies and shows).

Plus you were singing? No wonder LeBron didn’t want to play with your ass anymore. You probably tried to get down on some funny business in the locker room.

God.

Damn.

Shame.


Verizon iPhone Coming in Early 2011

According to to Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg during an interview with Fortune, has confirmed the iPhone coming to Verizon in early 2011. Rejoice those who like their head firmly wedged as far up Jobs’ ass as possible.

Well who didn’t see this coming? AT&T has a massively over-strained network due to all the iPhones out there, then the white iPhone got pushed back again to due to manufacturing issues, and Verizon, clearly showing that they can handle data hogs, with the average Droid user using more data than the average iPhone user without the outages. Then it went from hot rumor to ridiculously obvious when Verizon announced they were selling iPads with a MiFi hotspot router recently.

So now we can all look like jackasses drinking iBeer...

Now since Verizon is a CDMA network, and since most of the world runs on some type of GSM or HSPDA, its most likely that the Verizon iPhone won’t be a world phone, and instead will be limited to the U.S. and parts of Canada and Mexico. For most people though this isn’t a problem, as people hate leaving the country, because the U.S. is #1, and other countries couldn’t possibly have anything to offer.

 

My Opinion: iPhones suck. Not to say they aren’t good for what they do, but I see them more as a limitation than a enhancement. See, I’m a techie kind of guy, which is code for, “I like to play with gadgets and brag to you how much cooler my ish is than yours.” So the iPhone is like the military. If you have no discipline and your life sucks, then yeah the military is good for you. If you don’t know shit about technology and need your tech simple, the iPhone is a godsend. However, those of us who like to be creative, like to make things their own, and understand technology, iPhones are a stepping stone to high-end Android phones, like the Droid X, the Droid 2, and the Droid Incredible.

Bullet point not mentioned: It's Also The Shit.

Perfect example: the iPhone JUST got wallpapers. Really? A shitty goPhone from 2006 had wallpapers. How are you JUST now getting them? You know why? Because Steve Jobs didn’t think you could handle it. It would be too complicated for you guys. Think about it. When your phone is so simple a 99-year old woman can pick it up and figure it out, your phone is pretty damn simple.

 

What can my phone do? Whatever the FUCK I want it to. I can have a video of me riding the back of a robot unicorn while firing a minigun and getting a blowjob from Angelina Jolie as a wallpaper if I so chose. That’s why my phone (Droid X) is the shit. Hey did you have a video you recorded and want to show people? No one wants to crowd around your small ass screen on that phone, and you can talk all day about your Retina Display, but you don’t even know what the hell that means. I can hook up my phone to an HDMI and we are watching videos in 720p. Run it. 8MP camera, so I can zoom in so close I can see a fly get a hard-on. Run it.

Dragonfly penis was the closest I can find...

So if you are on Verizon and you REALLY want an iPhone, you don’t have much longer to wait. For those of us who have more than 10 functioning brain cells, we will pass.


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